Starting over doesn’t mean you have to erase the old you and completely reinvent yourself.Â
This is something I have fallen guilty of time and time again. I’ll enter a new environment, a new job or start a new semester, and think I have to completely change who I am to achieve the success I imagine for myself. And that simply just is not true.
A lot of times, those around us and the media we consume on social platforms like TikTok make us feel that, in order to begin again we have to completely change who we used to be. We need new wardrobes, new hobbies, new aesthetics, new personalities, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. But the reality is, we don’t need any of that.
We see the lives of others and become inspired. We see that the routines work for them. We see that their style matches the aesthetic of what they’ve built and because of that, I feel that we subconsciously choose to emulate what they do and how they do it because we believe [subconciously] that if we embody the lifestyle of a person who’s walked the path of whatever goal, hobby, new beginning, or restart of what we plan to embark on next, will give us greater success odds I honestly think that there’s nothing wrong with being inspired by other people. The problem is when inspiration turns into the belief that we have to become someone else in order to get where we want to go.
Sometimes, we see someone waking up at 5 a.m. every morning, going to the gym, eating perfectly, journaling, and having a perfectly organized room, and we think, “Maybe that’s what I need to do, too.” So we try to recreate their entire lifestyle instead of asking ourselves what actually works for us. We turn a new beginning into a checklist of things we have to change about ourselves. Then, when we can’t keep up with all of it, we feel like we’ve already failed at our fresh start. But your new beginning does not have to look aesthetic, perfect, or even completely different from your old life to be meaningful.  Â
We are allowed to begin again without having to change these things. You don’t have to completely reinvent yourself through new routines that restrict elements of who you are to reach that goal you have. You don’t have to completely abandon that hobby you have to get in 10k steps a day. You don’t have to force yourself to be bubbly and outspoken to make new friends at your new school. You are allowed to carry old parts of you to the new environment or journey you plan on starting, and you can be successful while doing so. Growth should not require you to sacrifice things you already enjoy or mask who you are. Growth should be about expanding on the things you love and enjoy, as well as bettering yourself in areas you can improve. For example, if you’re naturally quiet and reserved, instead of forcing yourself to be bubbly and outspoken, learn to be comfortable and confident enough to speak up and add to the conversation in ways that feel natural to you when you have something to say. Growth doesn’t require changing yourself, but rather mastering areas of your life that you want to improve.
Your new beginning can be as simple as trying again or trying something new. Let your experiences change you. Let the growth from trying again, from learning from your mistakes, and gaining new opportunities change you. There have been many instances in my life where I’ve had to do things over. One of the most relevant to where I am now is retaking classes. Some people have shame around this, which is understandable. There’s a lot of pressure to be successful, and when it comes to things like college courses, of course everyone wants that success the first time. But for some people, that’s unrealistic.
You know your situation better than anyone. Maybe you had physical health issues that kept you in and out of the hospital and interfered with keeping up in class. Maybe you’ve had mental health issues that made it very difficult for you to get up every day. Maybe you had an undocumented learning disability that didn’t become apparent until you started college. And maybe you made silly mistakes, like partying instead of studying, as many young adults do. But that’s the beauty of growth and learning from your mistakes. You can recognize that partying was taking priority over studying and make different choices moving forward. You can receive the proper diagnoses and accommodations you need to succeed academically. You can learn how to handle your responsibilities better. You can try again with everything you’ve learned from the first time.
And a friendly reminder: growth doesn’t require self-rejection. It requires self-love. It requires putting yourself out there in a way that is authentic to you. It requires giving yourself grace when things don’t work out and giving yourself permission to try again. It means allowing yourself to grow at your own pace without feeling like you have to become someone completely different to get where you want to go.
When I first transferred to my HBCU, I thought that in order to keep up socially, I had to assimilate to the aesthetics of those around me. I felt that I needed to become more extroverted to be successful socially, but that wasn’t true to who I was. It actually triggered anxiety trying to keep up an image that wasn’t really me and I wasn’t very successful socially either. When I realized this, I made an effort to stop performing and put myself out there in ways that were authentic to me. I allowed myself to be the quieter person in the room. I started conversations when I genuinely wanted to instead of feeling like I had to constantly be “on.” I let myself make friends in a way that felt natural to me rather than trying to force myself into someone else’s personality. And it was when I stopped trying so hard to become someone else that I became more successful in making friends.
So take it from me, you can find ways to put yourself out there that make sense to you. You don’t have to party every Friday if that’s not your thing. Joining an organisation that interests you, attend the meetings, and let yourself connect with people in a way that feels natural to you. The point is not to force yourself into someone else’s idea of what being social or starting over should look like. It’s to find what works for you and allow yourself to grow from there. Â
You can start something over, or even start something new, without having to change yourself for it. After all, a fresh start is exactly that: a new beginning. Sometimes, beginning again means walking into a new semester after a difficult one and deciding that you’re going to try again. Sometimes it means applying to an organization you didn’t get into before, putting yourself back out there after a friendship ends, or simply giving yourself another chance at something you thought you had already failed at.
For me, starting over has meant entering a new semester knowing that I didn’t do everything right the last time, but also knowing that I don’t have to punish myself for it. I can take what I learned, make different choices, ask for help sooner, and give myself more grace when things don’t go according to plan. I don’t have to walk into every new beginning with a completely new personality, a perfect plan, or everything figured out. I can walk in as myself, just a little wiser than I was before. That is still growth. That is still progress. And that is still a fresh start.
Good luck, be you, and remember, you don’t need to reinvent yourself to start again. :)