Between bragging about their amount of weekly gym visits to making me watch them play video games, I thought I had endured enough when attempting to be wooed by guys. But then I began to encounter the male feminists. They seemed harmless enough, proclaiming they’re “not like other guys” as they drone on about how they respect women. Groomed and dressed nicely, dawning a hipster vibe that you hate to be interested in, they most certainly don’t appear like they’ll treat you poorly. However, give it some time and they’ll toss around gendered slurs when a girl rejects them. “It’s not fair” because “he’s one of the nice guys” and he “can say those words” because he’s a “feminist”. Please tell me more about how you don’t agree with Trump and would have voted for Clinton if you weren’t worried about her mood swings. Yeah, right.
These types of guys just appear out of nowhere it seems. When you’re least expecting it, the guy who held the door open for you is trying to spark up a conversation and you just want to get to class. Then, after politely running the conversation to the ground, you’re the bad guy for not giving a stranger your number. When did saying “I’m not interested” become a personal attack? Yes, you held the door open for me and I thanked you. That, however, was not an invite for you to get to know me. Listen to me girls: you do not owe guys anything. Him opening the door for you was his choice, a choice that does not require any reward (but thanking him is the kind thing to do). Next time, just let me get the door for myself and save both of us the trouble if you’re going to try to make a move.
Now, hear me out, I love when guys have enough human decency to understand women are people and women should be respected. It’s when guys boast and brag about their insurmountable respect for women that has me raising an eyebrow. Like, cool, you’re not completely garbage, should I be impressed? Here’s a #justgirlythings secret: saying “I’m a feminist” does not actually make you one. I’m not sitting around waiting to hand out a gold star to every guy who’s “not afraid” to call himself a feminist. (You shouldn’t be to begin with because a) it’s not a bad word and b) if your friends would bag on you about it, you need new friends).
(Photo by Samantha Sophia on Unsplash)
It’s not enough anymore to just say the phrase. Let your actions prove to me you’re a feminist. Want to actually intrigue a girl? Go out and march at the women’s marches, donate to organizations that support local women, support planned parenthood. Get educated on women’s topics and make a statement. Stand up for women. Don’t let your friend get away with replacing humor for misogyny. Don’t sleep around only to call those girls sluts. Trust me, these moments of defending women are so much more attractive to any girl than just simply spitting out “Oh, but I’m a feminist” every chance you can.