A Letter From a Privileged White Male: "I am a Feminist Leader, Ladies"

*Note: This is satire.*

Hi ladies,

I would like to be the leader of the feminist movement, because, as a white male body, I am aware that I embody a privileged position in our society. Therefore, as a white male body, I can fully attest that there is no one who knows white male privilege than me, a white male. But I’m not just any white male. No no no...I’m a woke white male who loves women. In the words of Audre Lorde, “Women are to me as water is to the desert.”

On the train, I would never even think of man-spreading. Instead, I prefer to duct tape myself to the door. This way I take up as little space as humanly possible, and I get to let all of the women know that I support them. Over my bed, I have a framed tampon that woman Senator, Kirsten Gillibrand of New York once used. I believe that "Woman Juice" is sacred and I like to show all of my intimate women friends that I support them and their blood.

I make sure to remind every woman that I meet that I, as a white male body, am a woman ally; I will support her and answer any questions about feminism that she might have. After taking two classes about women’s rights in college, I truly believe that I am well equipped and informed enough to lead the feminist movement. Men have been excluded from these conversations for decades, so I’m here as a white (and woke!) man to bring the absolutely unexplored male perspective into the conversation about women’s rights.

Feminism is getting a little to hysterical these days, and I’m here to bring romance back into the workplace. We men have been getting so scared about flirting in the workplace for fear of being labeled a sexual predator. I think that we should bring courting back into women’s rights.


A Seriously Woke White Man Who Really Loves Women