Going home for breaks can be hard. You can be reminded of the past in both negative and positive ways. This one was especially hard for me. When I left for college, I was in a serious and committed relationship. I never thought that we would break up, and I was convinced that he was the one I would be with forever, and man was I wrong.
I had completely underestimated how hard a long-distance relationship would be. I was convinced that our love was strong enough to get through it, but I was wrong. Our relationship showed its true colors the second week after I arrived at school.
When I came home for the first time after the breakup, I prayed that I wouldn’t see him. But just my luck, I did. We had talked when we ran into each other, and I thought I was over him, but after one conversation and a kiss, which I was not expecting, the butterflies were back. I fought it so hard, and I went back to school trying my best to forget what had happened over break. I knew that after the way we ended, there was no going back. There was some severe damage done, and the nature of our relationship would never be the same.
So, after a week or so of being back at school, I had forgotten about him. But now, I am home again on another break and had to go pick up my little sister from softball tryouts at the high school. And guess who I ran into? Yep, you guessed it- him. I asked myself right after I saw him “Can there be one time that I’m home that I don’t have to see him?”. I guess the answer to that question is no. The bottom line is that we both live in the same town and we are bound to run into each other.
So, I sit here writing this tonight figuring out what the hell I’m going to do about this shitstorm of a situation. I can either 1.) sit here and be all nostalgic about the good times and completely ignore the red flags, and screaming phone conversations or I can 2.) acknowledge the fact that he was one of my greatest loves, which happened at the wrong time, and it didn’t work out.
I am starting a new chapter in my life. I am done reminiscing about him and the great times we had. Yes, I miss the times when we were happy, but I DO NOT miss the screaming phone conversations days after our breakup, or the crying FaceTimes with the endless “I miss you’s” when I first got to school. I will openly admit that it secluded me from making friends and hindered the thrill of being a college freshman.
I am sure some of you have gone through something like this to some extent. I’m going to be completely honest here- long distance relationships suck. You need to be a specific type of person to make them work or have a powerful will, and apparently, I am not one of those people, and either was he. Yes, I still get sad sometimes when I think about him. He was one of my greatest loves, but I know that if it is meant to be, it will be. (Yes, I know that sounds super cliché, but I’m convinced it’s real).
Bottom line here is, you can’t harp on things that are over and done with. I have reached a point where coming home can’t be sad for me anymore. Yes, we share this town, but I need to get over the fact that our relationship is over and that I will run into him. I love where I live, and I cannot let him ruin it anymore. Today, I even forced myself to go to “our spot,” and after today, it’s no longer “ours”- its mine now.