Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a book all about the five ways that people understand love. He called these the “5 love languages.” These love languages can help you understand not just your significant other, but yourself, and what you need out of a relationship. For example, one person in a relationship may feel appreciated when their partner does one specific task, while the other feels appreciated for completely different reasons. Dr. Chapman expresses these differences and the way they work in his book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, which I have summarized below.
Love Language #1: Words of Affirmation
This love language applies to verbal words. This means having a loved one express their love for you with words such as, “thank you for being there for me,” or “I love you.” This would make a person who identifies with this love language feel comfortable and stable in their relationship. On the opposite end of the spectrum, insults can leave them feeling very distraught and are memorable. This love language is based on verbal communication. Having a partner continuously mention that they are appreciative or enjoy spending time with them will make a person who values words of affirmation feel very loved.
Love Language #2: Physical Touch
A person who identifies with a love language of physical touch views physical contact as their main mode of expressing how they love you. They also enjoy physical touch as a way to know that you love them. Even a simple touch of the arm to express a feeling of pride or comfort can mean a great deal to someone with this love language. Lack of touch or neglect can be disheartening and upsetting. Many people feel comforted and supported by hugs or a thoughtful touch, but for people of this love language there is much more emphasis placed on that touch and much more can come out of a seemingly small gesture.
Love Language #3: Acts of Service
A person whose love language is in line with acts of service feels most loved when their significant other takes the weight off their shoulders in some way, particularly through actions. This can include domestic tasks such as cleaning, or perhaps paying for the bill when you know money is a bit tight for them. For this person, neglecting to help them when they are feeling overwhelmed or simply being lazy can make a person feel that they are not valued and that their feelings do not matter. Small actions can help them feel that you understand their burden and want to help can make them feel acknowledged and valued.
Love Language #4: Quality Time
This love language may seem straightforward, but quality time is not as simple as it may seem. A person who has this love language is extremely appreciative of honest attention and paying honest attention to their significant other. This quality time cannot be faked or postponed—such actions can make the person feel like they are not a priority and can be harmful. Listening is a very important quality in this love language. Active listening rather than passive listening can show someone that you truly care about what is happening in their life and what they have to say. This is an invaluable action in the love language of quality time.
Love Language #5: Receiving Gifts
Receiving gifts for a person of this love language can speak volumes. Whether it be a very well thought out and pre-planned gift, or a simple gift of flowers for no reason, a person of this love language will feel extremely loved when a gift arrives from their significant other. For a person who loves in terms of receiving gifts, a thoughtful present reaffirms the love of a significant other. However, forgetting an important event or a gift lacking thought will hurt a person of this love language. The importance of gift giving and receiving is heightened for a person who loves in this way.
What do you think your love language is?
You can learn more about the 5 love languages and the value of them in a relationship at http://www.5lovelanguages.com/. Take the test to learn about your love language here!