When I was in school, one of my friends met a guy online. Without ever meeting, they got into a relationship and were pretty serious about each other. They were so serious at the age of seventeen that they had already planned their “dream wedding.” After a few months, their relationship didn’t work out due to a number of reasons. Number one being: neither of those two people involved in that relationship made a sincere effort to know each other. They were in a relationship for more than eight months and they couldn’t connect emotionally at all. In Indian culture, romantic relationships amongst teenagers are not as acceptable as they are in the western countries. Most teenagers in India end up hiding their romantic involvements from their parents. And that obviously leads to some extra sets of complications! So when their parents discovered their relationship, they had no choice but to break up. The guy moved on easily, but my friend couldn’t recover mentally from that break-up. She isolated herself from society, and when she finally recovered after five months, she decided never to be involved in a romantic relationship in the future! Why did the same break-up have different impacts on two people involved in the same relationship?
I always wondered why adolescent relationships can be so messy and hurtful. Then I realized that the main problem with heart breaks, obsessions, immaturity and impulsive decisions in a relationship is that teenagers often confuse adolescent attraction with love. But the question is:what exactly is adolescent attraction? And how can it be distinguished from being in love? Well, to be honest, there is no universal definition for love. Being in love is a different experience for everyone. But there’s a perfect definition for adolescent attraction! Adolescent attraction can be defined, in the simplest manner, by distinguishing it from adult relationships. Most teenage relationships start with mutual attraction and are mostly about physical intimacy and sexual feelings. Contrary to adult relationships, which are mostly about emotional bonding, compatibility, open communication and not just physical closeness.
In reality, confusing both can lead to some major life-changing issues. For example, most people have their trust and commitment issues developed during their adolescence. And for more than 80% of teenagers, the reason behind these issues is an unsuccessful relationship. Romantic relationships play a very major role in the developmental process of an adolescent. Changes during that stage can have a long-lasting impact on their further growth. And that’s why it’s important to educate teenagers about the differences between attraction and the feelings of being in love. I’m not implying that every romantic relationship is just a teenage attraction. In fact, most memorable “love stories” start in high school. However, associating every attraction with being in love is not the solution either. I believe that the reason they easily confuse one with the other is because they’re not given a clear understanding of how romantic relationships during their adolescence are. Meaning, they need to be taught about these matters by their parents and schools. Neglecting this issue by tagging it “unimportant” or “not necessary” can affect their ability to connect emotionally with someone in future.
Adolescence is a very complicated stage, and not just for teenagers but their caretakers too! I can understand how complicated it is, but knowledge is required to have an easy transition from this stage to another, which comes only through effective communication and willingness to teach and learn. I think once they learn to differentiate between those two things, they’d be more mature and open about issues like break-ups, jealousy, possessiveness, fear of retribution, physical and emotional bonding, etc., in a relationship. And a thorough understanding and a proper method of going through these things can help them build more healthy relationships in future, without fearing or having anything hold them back!