I grew up in a small school in a very rural area of Upper Michigan. I went to a high school that had less than 20 people in a graduating class; if it went above 20 it was considered an anomaly. I was used to small living, a tight-knit community that knew everyone and their mother. When I got the news that I got accepted into a Big Ten university with over 35,000 people, I almost fainted. It was so exciting and a dream come true to move to what I considered as a big town and a big university. Although I was content with my small town life, I wanted to know what “city life” was like because it was so different from what I was used to! Not to mention, I hardly ever traveled outside of my town once we moved down there (and all of the other places I’d lived had also been small, rural towns). I was so nervous and scared, I couldn’t help but get anxious at the thought of moving down state. But there are so many things I would do differently if I could redo my freshman year, especially now that I feel (relatively) familiar with bigger cities and this kind of environment. However, I think the most cliché thing I would change is the most important one.
I would change my perspective on adapting, growing, and opening up. I wish I had known how judgmental I was of myself and how that would negatively affect my first month at MSU. I was so worried about how different I was than everyone else. I felt so small in comparison to all of these other students that seemed to be so much more prepared. They seemed to have it all together, their clothes were so trendy, they knew how to navigate campus, and they were grasping the concepts better in class. I was even envious of those who weren’t afraid to take the bus. Instead of attempting to learn, I secluded myself and brought myself down, consistently beating myself up because of my background, where I grew up, and the lack of opportunities I had because of that. I felt limited due to growing up in a small rural town, and didn’t know how I was supposed to keep up with these other students who hadn’t.
Now that I understand this mindset and how I need to change it, I also wish I knew how to forgive myself. As I reflect on my prior experiences, I tend to do so with a lighter tone than what I felt in the moment. I have to remind myself that growth happens all over and it’s okay to forgive your past mistakes. Being hard on yourself and never forgiving yourself was how I thought growth worked as a freshman, and now I understand that it’s the forgiveness and change that illustrates your real growth. I feel more confident in my abilities now and that’s all that matters. I can see now that I do fit in, and I always did. Everyone is different in their own ways, and that’s what makes fitting in feel so strange. To me, society is like a puzzle that requires everyone’s unique traits in order to form a bigger picture. If everyone was the exact same and there were no differences, we wouldn’t have half the inventions or ideas that we have now. What makes everyone fit in with each other is exactly what makes us different. Instead of finding what makes me different or unique as an issue or problem, I learned that what makes me different is exactly what makes me the same as everyone else. If we are all unique, no one is. It contradicts itself in theory, but in practice it’s what makes us human.
Being a freshman at a big university is honestly a challenge, it opens you up to a myriad of challenges you wouldn’t normally face. Growing up is hard; navigating college, adult life, and everything in between is hard. As a freshman, this was one of the most challenging periods of my life thus far. Although I am sure I will encounter other issues as I grow and change throughout my twenties and thirties, I know that the biggest and best lessons to learn at an earlier age is to forgive yourself, learn where growth comes from, and embrace your true self. The only unique thing about you as a human is that you are not unique.