Before this makes anyone angry, hear me out. I have been in a stable, loving relationship for four years now. Nevertheless, I have a few qualms with Valentine’s Day just as I did growing up.
I don’t hate love and I am certainly not bitter in any way. We have grown up in a generation where expensive gifts for holidays are a must in our relationships. Valentine’s Day focuses on showing your love and being over the top one day out of the year. This has become the standard in a lot of relationships I see.
I have never been one to expect gifts, nor do I prefer them over quality time or physical touch. My boyfriend is aware of this, but he loves to try and spend money on me as much as possible. Within the past four years, he has shown up to both my job and doorstep with flowers just because, has had the newest Taylor Swift CD waiting for me with the cutest Squishmallow, and never fails to surprise me. Personally, this is way more meaningful to me than going all out on Valentine’s Day because it is a holiday.
The holiday can be a healing experience in some cases as well because it does spread love and affection when done the right way. My family has operated on the idea that it’s about who you’re with and how you spend the day more than physical gifts. I vividly remember growing up and getting mini boxes of chocolate from my grandparents, my mom getting me candy or a little stuffed animal, and my cousins and I exchanging valentines. I have a super close relationship with my family, and they have always taught me that gestures don’t have to be big to make someone feel seen and appreciated.
A lot of my mindset comes from how I was raised, so Valentine’s Day was never a huge deal for me. The longer I have been in a relationship, I have come around more and more from absolutely hating the holiday to acknowledging it, but not making a fuss over it. Other people celebrating and loving the holiday have never bothered me, it just tends to seem overhyped by a society framed around monetary affection.
At this point in society, it has become a major fuel to capitalism because it’s based entirely around spending money on gifts for those that you love. I’m not saying I am against the idea of spreading love. It is important to coexist in a happy and healthy society. What I am saying is that if you can celebrate those you love on a holiday with romanticized intentions, don’t forget to love and appreciate them on random weekdays. Sometimes a random gesture reminds those you love, “Hey I’m thinking about you,” instead of using the holiday as a reminder.
It is important to remember that relationships are built on communication, not necessarily gifts. Use the holiday to strengthen your communication and foster a healthy relationship while still enjoying the physical aspects of it. Do not fall into the commercial hole that you can only be sweet on a holiday, instead use the holiday as a stepping stool to strengthen relationships within your personal lives. I did, and it has made a world of difference in my relationships.