The transition from leaving your home to moving away independently can become very challenging. As a first-generation Middle Eastern child, moving away from home is out of the ordinary and is highly discouraged in my culture, especially in my household, which had left me with a tough decision to make. Even moving an hour away, I remember arguing and defending my decision to my parents as they didn’t want me to leave.
Looking back at my past decision today, I realized I made the best choice for me mentally as I met various individuals and gained much more independence. I call MSU my home as it provides me comfort and has been an essential building block for my self-discovery, which I will never forget, but I still miss the hundreds of roots in my culture that connected me with my parents and home life. English wasn’t my first language since I grew up speaking my native language – Chaldean.
School was a struggle from a young age as I attempted to keep up with unrealistic reading levels along with American students. Being the oldest child, I would speak Chaldean at home and assist my parents with their daily tasks. Culture always seemed impossible for me to navigate. I was surrounded by people who didn’t understand my language or culture which left me in situations where I felt left out and discouraged. Still, I’ve learned that it won’t diminish my spark as I grow.
After completing my first semester, I learned different things about my tolerance with comfort and subtle but hurtful comments by others who didn’t understand the struggle. This left me reflecting on ways to tackle these issues differently. I started to ask myself a question – How did I want to be perceived? Do I care about my image towards others? Should I be around people who negatively impact me? Why should I be ashamed of my culture and lifestyle? Should I start standing up for myself?
All these questions left me reflecting and the overall lesson I’m learning to teach myself is to find empathy in the process I’ve made and the changes I’ve had to succumb to. Being Americanized at school while remaining in another cultural group holds many struggles which I found myself fighting to manage. As I am stuck managing the dominos of mini-struggles related to my identity, I’m learning every day to love my roots and find balance by doing little things in my day that connect me to my culture and family.
Yesterday, I went to the only Iraqi cuisine restaurant called “Sparty’s Kabob” near my dorm room to try the dishes of native foods they had, which was terrific. I discovered a little bit of home near the university which fulfilled my inner child. The restaurant’s food felt authentic and for the first time being in East Lansing, I enjoyed my meals. From then, I’ve had moments where I would listen to Arabic music to give me a fresh breath of air into my culture as I walk to class or simply do little tasks throughout my day.
I’m starting to take things day by day, navigate each aspect of my life, and learn to love it. While I’m away from home, I’m still learning to appreciate the culture in my life and remain close to it while being away. There is still so much to learn, but each day is a fresh moment for a new experience, memory, or takeaway.