As my birthday is quickly coming up, and I am entering a new journey with my life as graduation also approaches, I thought what better time than to share twenty-two things I have learned before turning 22. Now I want to start off by saying life is hard, there is no rule book for this shit. Everyone is figuring things out as we go. We are all clueless to a certain extent, but at the end of the day we still wake up each day and try our best to get through it. You may also be someone who thinks they have it all figured out, and if you do then I’m impressed, but if you don’t that’s entirely okay. Also, I am not going to sit and pretend that I have anything even remotely figured out. Some days breathing takes everything in me. However, throughout my life I definitely would say I have learned a few things so why not share them.
So #1 is don’t let other people dictate your happiness. I know that’s easier said than done, but don’t give them the power to control your joy or how you feel. Be in control of your own life. Don’t give anyone the satisfaction of dictating your mood or how you feel. There are going to be people that want to see you at your worst…sweetheart don’t let them!
#2 is to live your life for you. I know this can be really hard too, especially for all us people-pleasers out there. But at the end of the day, this is your life. You only get one chance to make it the best it can be. Do what makes you happy. Go to college where you want to go. Study what you want to study. Take the job you want to take. Live where you want to live. Follow your own path! Trust me you will be happier in the end.
#3 it’s okay if it takes you a long time to heal from that heartbreak. Sadly, heartbreak is inevitable in this world. I hope no one reading this has to experience that pain, but in the chance you do take the time to heal. Don’t let anyone tell you that it’s time to move on or get over it. Take as long as you need. Heal on your own timeline. If you aren’t ready then you aren’t ready and that’s okay.
#4 was actually a piece of advice one of my closest friends taught me and that’s: until you are ready to walk away…mind, body, and spirit, then you aren’t going to. If you are in a relationship and people are telling you that you should walk away, or if in your gut you feel like you should, at the end of the day you aren’t going to leave until you are fully and 100% sure. Until you are ready, mind, body, and spirit, you are going to keep trying and fighting and that’s okay. It’s okay to see the good. It’s okay to hold onto the good things. It’s okay to want things to work and to simply not be ready. IT’S OKAY. Once you are ready, you will do what’s best for you. Until then, live in the good moments and treasure them.
#5 is don’t make a mountain out of a molehill. You are going to face situations in your life that seem unbearable in the moment. You are going to go through things that seem impossible. There are going to be little events or things that happen that feel like they are taking over your entire life…but trust me the little stuff doesn’t matter. In a month, a year, 5 years, it won’t matter. Don’t put all your energy and emotion into something that’s so small in the grand scheme of things. Eventually, you are going to regret the time and energy you put into that instead of something that mattered more. Let it be, and be happy.
#6 is to focus on the good. We all know that the world is scary, even more so now than ever before, but try your absolute best to focus on the good. There is so much good in the world. I promise you the good outweighs the bad. It doesn’t feel like that most of the time but if you actually think about it, it truly does. Choose to see the good in the world. Choose to see the positives.
#7 is something I just heard recently but that’s: what you think you deserve is what you will get. If you don’t think you deserve the perfect guy, with the perfect house, with granite countertops and the cutest golden retriever running in your yard…then you’re never going to get it. We get what we THINK we deserve. If you don’t think you are worthy of the perfect guy or girl, then you aren’t going to get them. And babe, you DO deserve it. You deserve the best. It can be hard to see that at times, Lord knows I struggle to see it daily and hell I still don’t even truly see what I deserve. If you don’t feel worthy enough then you aren’t going to feel like you deserve it…but you DO.
#8 sometimes you need to let go and just respect other people. In a time where we are in such political turmoil, and so divided as a nation, I think the biggest thing I’ve learned is we need to learn to respect one another. Not as Republicans or Democrats, but as human beings. I think we have lost so much of our humanity and love for one another that we are falling into a deeper and deeper pit that we can’t escape. Now, I’m not saying to respect people who don’t believe in human rights, or who don’t think people should love who they want to love, or that women shouldn’t have control over their own bodies, or all those things, but what I am saying is it’s okay to disagree on things. Not everything needs to be a fight. Respect one another. Agree to disagree. Have the respect and human decency to hear someone else’s side and why they have their beliefs. Educate yourself. Just show your fellow humans respect.
#9 don’t let fear dictate your life. Like I have already said, the world is a scary place at times. There are millions of things everyday we can be scared of, but don’t let that control you. Maybe you are scared to move somewhere because of an event that took place. Maybe you are scared to have kids cause you don’t want to raise them in this world. Maybe you are scared to quit your job cause you don’t know what the future holds and you don’t have a plan. But, don’t let fear control your happiness and dictate your life.
#10 social media is a lie. I am sure you have heard this time and time again, but it’s the truth. Think about yourself and what you put on your social media. You only want to put the good parts. No one is going to post when they are having a miserable day and can barely get out of bed. No one is going to show the horrible parts of life. Social media paints an ideal picture of life. It isn’t realistic. Your life is just fine. Don’t play into the lie.
#11 is it’s okay to not be okay. You don’t have to be strong all the time. It’s okay to fall apart. It’s okay to wake up one day and literally feel numb. It’s okay to have bad days. It’s okay to let people see that. Don’t be afraid to admit that you aren’t okay. People will help you…you just have to let them.
#12 is that diet culture is bullshit. Don’t get consumed in diet culture. If you want to change your lifestyle and eat differently, and exercise, do it! If you don’t, then don’t. Don’t let it consume you. Don’t let calories and the image you THINK you need to show the world control your life. You are beautiful, whether you see it or not. You were made how you are and that’s perfect. If you want to change for YOU, then do it. If not, then don’t. And until you are ready to make those changes for you and you alone, don’t even waste your time.
#13 is a little cliché but it’s that “comparison is the thief of joy.” I have had to really come to terms with this recently. I am a pre-med student, and as I’m sure anyone who is also going into the healthcare field can tell you, it’s fucking hard. The competition is insane. It’s not an easy field to go into and comparison comes with the territory. I was constantly comparing myself to my peers thinking no way I can get into med school when this person is in 30 clubs, president of 5 orgs, does 6000 hours of community service, has a 4.0, and never seems to sleep (these are obviously exaggerated). But those things won’t make them any better at being a doctor than me. Everyone has their own path. Everyone has their own circumstances. Everyone is different. If everyone was the same, think how boring life would be. Try to stop comparing yourself to other people. Whether it’s in school, at work, on social media, or whatever. Be uniquely you.
#14 it’s okay to forgive someone even if you still don’t accept what they’ve done. I’ve been hurt many times by many different people, as I’m sure maybe you have as well. But I have come to learn that it’s okay to forgive someone and still hate everything they did. Why hold onto the hate? Why hold onto the hurt?
#15 is a tough one but it’s that hating them is only hurting you. This one kinda goes along with fourteen, but it’s true. Sitting in bed hating that person for something they did to you isn’t doing anything but hurting you in the long run. I can guarantee they don’t care. They are living their life, and you’re wasting away your life hating them for something they clearly don’t care about anymore. So why let them? Sometimes you just have to let go of the hate and the negativity and just move on.
#16 is that what you do with your body is entirely your choice. And no I don’t just mean in terms of being pro-choice, I am saying you have control over your own body. I keep seeing a TikTok trend where people put all these things on the screen and say they will duet the video when summer is over, and one of them is their “body count” and some of the comments on those videos are ridiculous. It’s your body. It’s your choice. If you are being safe and responsible who cares what you do! If you want to get tattoos on your whole body then do it. If you want to sleep with someone and are safe and responsible then do it. If you want to get ten piercings then do it. Don’t let anyone tell you what you do with your body isn’t your choice.
#17 is actually from a TikTok audio of Madea but in it she says, “it’s alright to sit around and be depressed for a minute. Cry about it. Do whatever you have to, but don’t stay there too long. Get up and go on with your life.” And I think this one speaks for itself. But you are going to face really hard times. It’s okay to break down and feel all those feelings. It’s okay to not want to leave your bed and just cry all day, but don’t stay there too long. Keep moving forward.
#18 is so hard to understand but it’s that the world is going to keep moving, even if you feel like your world has stopped. I have lost 3 very important people in my life and one of the hardest things about their passing was that my world was falling apart, but everyone else was still living. It’s almost as if you are falling apart in every possible way and the world doesn’t even stop and notice. Same goes for the other way around. You may be experiencing the best things in life, but somewhere else someone is facing their darkest moments.
#19 is actually something I wrote an entire article on a little while ago, but it’s that you don’t know the silent battles someone is facing. You don’t know the struggles someone is going through behind closed doors. Everyone has their struggles, even the people closest to you. Be aware that not everyone is doing okay, even if on the outside they seem like they are.
#20 is that today is a gift. Everyday that you wake up in the morning is a gift. I’m not going to lie and tell you it will feel like that everyday but that’s the truth. Because everyday that you wake up there are countless people around the world, who didn’t. Each day is a new opportunity. Each day is a fresh start. Be thankful for each day you have regardless of what you are going through because eventually you will get to a point where you have more yesterday’s than tomorrow’s and you are going to wish you appreciated more of the days you were given.
#21 is one that I struggle with so much but it’s that you are worthy of so much more than you think. We are our own worst critics. It’s easy for us to sit and pick apart everything about ourselves and think we don’t deserve goodness. But you do. You deserve the best things life has to offer. You deserve to be treated right. You deserve to be happy. You deserve the world. You are worthy of so much more than you give yourself credit for.
Well guys, if you have read this far thank you so much, but for #22 it’s actually from a pretty famous popstar…maybe you know her…but “life’s what you make it. So let’s make it rock” (Hannah Montana). Okay I realize that was so cheesy and probably very cringey but it’s true. Life is what you make it. You are the one who is in control of your life. If you think your life sucks, then change it! If you want to do something, then do it. You get what you give in this world. If you want shitty things to stop happening to you, then stop accepting shit, and demand something more. Take charge of your life. And that doesn’t mean you have it all figured out. There are endless opportunities for you, you just have to be brave enough to find them!
Well that’s all I have. Twenty-two things I have learned before turning 22. I hope that if you have read to the end of this that you were able to take something away from it. I hope that life brings you nothing but happiness and joy wherever you are, or whatever phase of life you are in. Remember to see the good and live life being unapologetically you!