My mother, like yours, is one of the most spectacular women I’ve ever met. I thank my mother every day for making me the person that I am today. Without her guidance and wisdom, I definitely would not have turned out to be the caring, responsible, and smart woman I am today. My mom has given me so many pieces of advice throughout my lifetime. Now, my mom is usually right 95% of the time; however, we both grew up differently. She spent her childhood and teenage years in the Philippines where most of the values there were very traditional and conservative. Me, on the other hand, I spent a year of my life in the Philippines and then the rest of my life in America. So my values, views, and perceptions don’t always align with my mother’s traditional ones. Her parents parented my mother the way they knew how and that’s how my mother parented me. She tried her best with the advice she had at the time and honestly, that’s all I could ever ask for.
Honestly, at the start of my teenage years, my relationship with my mother was very rocky. Like every teenager, curiosity got the best of me and with every chance I got, I wanted to test the limits of my mothers patience. I would talk back and refuse to see her point of view whenever we disagreed on something. This prompted me to not want to talk to her because we disagreed on so many things. I wondered if my relationship with my mom would always be like this and debated constantly about whether or not having her in my life would be a healthy decision. However, as I got older, I came to the realization that that’s just how my mom is. She is the most caring, selfless, and most generous woman in the world. I came to this realization when she would repeat the same patterns; made sure I was eating so she’d pile my plate with food, she would make my family and I dinner before she got to shower and relax after a long day at work, she would text and call me to make sure I wasn’t overworking myself at work, and she put in effort wanting to get to know me on a deeper level. These all said that she cared and loved me even though they weren’t the most obvious way. This Mother’s Day, I wanted to switch roles and instead of my mother giving me advice, I wanted to give her advice. Advice I wish someone should’ve told her when she was young.
- Not all men are bad and untrusting.
Just because one guy treated you wrong doesn’t mean that all the other guys are the same. I will be smart about the guys I meet and I need you to be able to trust me. I can take care of myself, and please trust that I am strong enough to deal with the pain if it ever comes. You taught me to be strong and to be able to bounce back after minor setbacks.
- Stop allowing people-pleasing behavior to pass.
I know you like to give and give because you love everyone, but you don’t need to be agreeable to make people like you. It’s ok to say no especially if you truly don’t want to do something. It will only ever lead you to a point of exhaustion and burn-out. When someone asks you to borrow something, you can say no. When someone is asking you to take their shift, you can say no.
- Not everyone is as judgemental as you think.
I know you think that everyone is judgmental and that everyone has a negative view of people because that’s what it’s like in the Philippines and Asian culture. But I promise you, most everyone here in America does not care that much. Everyone here is adopting a “it’s none of my business” point of view especially with the younger generations. No one really knows what a person is really going through, so there is no point in judging.
- Put yourself first.
You come first before everyone else. Your health and priorities come first. Don’t neglect your needs to satisfy someone else’s, even if it is our family.
- There are so many fake people in this world. Here’s how to spot one:
Do they text/call you just because? Do they make sure you’re ok randomly? If not, they don’t really care about you. It’s important to know the difference between a fake person and someone who isn’t. Someone who isn’t fake would always be there for you.
- It’s ok to feel and express your emotions. Don’t keep them bottled up.
Mental health is kind of a sore subject with you because I know that when you were a kid, no one paid attention to it as much. However, it is a real thing and my generation is trying to make it easier to get help. Don’t give cold shoulders when you’re upset and feel free to communicate what you’re feeling. Yes, I know it’s uncomfortable, but it gets easier the more you do it. Take it from someone who knows. I am allowed to be upset, angry, frustrated, happy, or sad. You are too. Everyone has a right to their emotions. I know you dismiss negative feelings but feelings go away with time. Acknowledging them and talking about them brings you one step closer to understanding them and learning your triggers.
- You’re not a bad mother, you did what you could at the time.
You are not and never were a bad mother. No matter what anyone tells you, I am so lucky to be your daughter. You did what you only knew at the time and no one is allowed to fault you for that because we are growing and learning new things every day.
Thank you for all you do. I love you, Happy Mother’s Day!
Love,
your daughter, Francesca