Have you ever been in a romantic relationship? Well, if you have, you might know that there are certain “rules” you are expected to follow, like respecting boundaries, paying attention and stuff like that. But isn’t it so exhausting to always keep up with the “do’s and don’ts” of a relationship? Amidst all this, there’s just no room to be yourself. And that can lead to some disturbing thoughts and consequences. Come to think about it, most of the things we hear about relationships aren’t always true. We tend to believe in those things because they’re widely accepted, and sometimes because we’re just inexperienced. Under these circumstances, it’s easy to get fooled by mixing myths with the actual truth, which can have some serious and irreversible impacts on our relationships and our mental health.
Here are some most common relationship myths:
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MYTH: You are responsible for your partner’s happiness
TRUTH: You are NOT responsible for your partner’s happiness, but you can support them in creating it
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MYTH: You need to change certain things about yourself to fit into the relationship with your partner
TRUTH: You DO NOT need to change yourself for anyone or anything. Healthy relationships are mostly about accepting each other for who we really are, and not about altering each other’s personalities to match our own preferences
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MYTH: Relationships should be blissful, complete us and leave us completely fulfilled
TRUTH: Healthy relationships allow freedom, self-expression and mutual evolution even when it’s uncomfortable
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MYTH: A good partner will know how to meet all of your needs
TRUTH: A partner is not your parent. No one will be able to meet all of your needs. It’s okay to have friends, hobbies, and other sources of support outside of the relationship
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MYTH: Happy couples don’t fight
TRUTH: All couples fight, and conflict is necessary. Without conflict, couples wouldn’t know what’s important and deep bonds couldn’t be formed. What’s important is how you fight and how you recover
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MYTH: If the relationship is meant to be, it will work out
TRUTH: There are a million reasons why a relationship may not work out. Relationships do take work and expecting them to work out just because we want them to is often a recipe for disaster
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MYTH: It’s normal to have fear of retribution in a relationship
TRUTH: Any relationship where you can’t share how you feel without fear of retribution is not a safe relationship
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MYTH: If they were really in love, they wouldn’t have been unfaithful
TRUTH: People who are in love can also be unfaithful. A person’s infidelity is not always a sign of the quality of the relationship. It depends on variety of factors
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MYTH: A relationship is a kind of bond
TRUTH: There is a difference between a bond and a relationship. A bond is a kind of a familiarity and physical closeness with a person, but a relationship is a connection where both people express an emotional desire to deeply “know” each other
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MYTH: Obsessiveness, possessiveness and jealousy in a relationship is normal
TRUTH: No, that’s not true! If you feel suffocated being in a relationship with someone, it’s an indication that you must end it
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MYTH: Sex is associated with being in love
TRUTH: Don’t confuse sex with love. Having a physical relationship isn’t always associated with being in love
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MYTH: You need to have sex X times a month
TRUTH: There’s no perfect amount of sex. Each couple gets to decide what works for them
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MYTH: Physical closeness is all that matters in a relationship
TRUTH: This is totally untrue. For your relationship to work, you need to be able to achieve emotional closeness too
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MYTH: You need to tell your partner everything about yourself
TRUTH: This is not necessarily true. Healthy relationships should make you feel safe and comfortable. You do not need to tell your partner every secret, because some things are just about you
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MYTH: Break-ups are hard
TRUTH: They don’t always have to be so hard. Effective communication and some level of emotional maturity can make break-ups easy to some extent
More often than not, people end up breaking up or hurting their partners because they try to apply those same “universal do’s and don’ts” to their relationship, without realizing that every relationship is unique. Because everyone is different, the relationship he/she builds with someone else is different too. And the same principles don’t always work on different things. It’s important to understand that a relationship needs a lot of hard work, honesty, compromise, openness, trust and acceptance to work. And these things must be contributed by both people existing in a relationship.