I am the first person to make a negative comment about the way that I look. Whether it’s in the dressing room, the locker room, in pictures, or alone and standing in front of a mirror, I don’t always like the way that I look. I’m not a size zero Instagram model, I never have been and I never will be, but even if I was, there would still be something about my body that I wouldn’t like. In many ways, that is the human condition to live as a woman in today’s era of social media. Everything is altered and perfected and even the models we wish we looked like don’t actually look like that, but that doesn’t stop us from wishing. I know that I am not the only one who feels this way, and lately, I’ve been needing a brutally honest pep talk to remind myself to have confidence in my body. Here is my best attempt to provide that to everyone out there who may be feeling the same way.
First, your body is just the vessel that holds all of the important pieces of you. Hundreds of years of evolution went into making your head able to protect the brain inside. If you were to be in hypothermic conditions, your body closes the blood vessels to your limbs in order to continue to give your heart ample blood to keep beating. The thoughts in your mind and compassion in your heart are what make you who you are and every other part of your body is only here to support these two things. To use an analogy, there’s a reason that so many people require helmets and chest plates: to protect brilliant brains and beautiful hearts, literally.
Secondly, look historically. Until very recently, the societal beauty standard included being soft around the edges. For centuries, only royalty and those very well-off could afford to eat until they were full and as such, they were often larger than others. This was because their bodies were being nourished enough to develop fat reserves and this was seen as beautiful because it was a luxury many didn’t have. So go look in that mirror. Those extra pounds you gained in quarantine or have always wanted to lose, they are a luxury that many people never had, not only in our history, but in our modern world as well.
I know what you’re thinking: Okay, okay, but it’s almost summer and I do not look as good in a swimsuit as my friends. First, that’s wrong. Every body is a bikini body. Second, I have never met someone who didn’t have a complaint about the way they look in a swimsuit. Don’t let what others might think stop you from living at the beach and soaking in the sun. Honestly, when you’re worried that others are looking at the things you’re insecure about, they aren’t. Most likely, they are too busy being worried about their own insecurities.
Look, I know me telling you a bungh of reasons that you should like your body isn’t going to make you like your body. Body acceptance and body confidence are so much more complicated than that. It’s a combination of judgement and comparison and the fear of not living up to societal beauty standards, I get it, I do. But we all need to start somewhere. Maybe starting with ourselves is too much, so let’s try something else.
Look in the mirror. What do you see? What do you notice? Write it down. The next time you’re tryingon the clothes you ordered online, take note of what you say when you decide if you like them. Now, what would you say to your best friend if they told you that’s how they felt about their body? Would you tell them they’re right? That they need to cut back on sweets and exercise more? Absolutely not. So let’s work on talking to ourselves the way that we talk to our friends. When my friends tell me that they don’t like the way they look, I am quick to remind them that they’re beautiful. I list the things about them that they don’t appreciate enough in themselves. What do you think your friends would say to you when you’re beating yourself up in the mirror?
Now let’s talk about clothes. Clothes are made for you, you are not made for the clothes. Don’t get me started on women’s sizing. From jeans to how different a large can be from one store to the next, I’m of the personal belief that no one who wears women’s clothing should EVER give a damn about the size on the tag because it means basically nothing. And if something doesn’t suit you and makes you feel better then it isn’t worth the space in your closet. There are so many cute clothes out there, and so many places to get them, that there are things that will flatter you and honey, they are worth finding because the items in your closet should make you excited to walk past a full body mirror, not make you feel like you need to hide.
All in all, body confidence is a choice every single day and sometimes, it’s too hard, and that’s okay. What isn’t okay, is to just accept that. Find what makes you feel good about your body and do it. Society has something to say about every single thing that we do and women, specifically, are placed under intense scrutiny for everything we do (or want to be able to do) with our bodies. Wear clothes that are too tight and we are “asking for it” or “trying to show off”, but wear clothes that are baggy and we “look unprofessional” or are deemed “lazy”. There are so many people quick and ready to insult our bodies without even knowing us; the last thing we need to do it help them.
So, YOU are a beautiful badass. No matter what you do or get done, or don’t do or don’t get done, you deserve to eat how you want, wear what you like, and feel good about it, today and every day.