A week of time.
A week of relaxation.
A week for myself.
Everyone needs breaks, whether that means a moment, day, week, month or year. We don’t always realize how much we might need one until given the opportunity to take one. We can finally breathe and take some time alone. We often don’t take advantage of all the time we have in our life since we cram and try to keep our brain and mind busy with stress, work, and anything to keep us motivated.
I’ve always liked to keep busy, it gave me a sense of purpose and desire to keep pushing towards something. I’m usually always on the go, or out of the house, running around doing chores, hobbies, and even hanging out with friends who make me happy, but lately all I’ve been able to do is lay in bed and get frustrated at myself for not going out more, for not doing something.
I didn’t realize that I was getting burnt out, and tired of running around until this most recent break, and the past few breaks that I’ve been able to go home. College has been a huge shift from my normal life, and especially after the past two years of living during the pandemic. I had my friends, my family, my own space, and my own time to do as I pleased.
I was capable of doing everything on my terms.
I’m in college now. Gone are the days that I could drive around and spend time alone, go on walks down trails, read in the park, and just fall asleep in a hammock in the middle of the woods. A triple dorm, no car, no privacy, and no time are what it’s been replaced with.
Going home is my saving grace. Home is my saving grace. A break just for me when I don’t have to always be on, I don’t have to please anyone, I can just be myself, and everyone will simply accept me as I am.
The breaks are what has given me peace in a time of stress, and have helped me realize that it’s okay to take time for myself. It’s nothing to feel guilty of. Despite my constant can-do and will-do attitude, I’ve realized its boundaries that create my issues. My desire to make everyone happy trumps my own happiness. I can’t always be there to say yes all the time. It’s my first responsibility to make myself happy, nobody else.
I’m tired of running my mouth just to fill empty silences, I fear the silence as though one day it might just swallow me whole. It’s unfair, unfair to me and unfair to the other half of the conversation. Why can’t silence just be heard for once. Who lets silence be heard?