I think we can all agree that this year has been a cycle of never-ending chaos to say the very least. When I look back at how my year began, I now realize how far I’ve come since then. To start from the very beginning, on New Year’s Eve I left my family in Florida for the holidays. I hopped on a flight back to Michigan to ring in the new year with my now ex-boyfriend, and let’s just say I should’ve stayed on the beach for the last week of winter break.
I remember the first two and a half months of the year being dreary and miserable for me. My roommate and best friend left to study abroad in Australia for the spring semester—which I love for her—and I was stuck living with someone I didn’t know once again. It was awkward to say the very least. I was also in a relationship where I just felt stuck. It was like the longer we were together the more I felt like I would never be able to get out and with every new day I felt less like myself. Overall, I was in a really bad place mentally.
Then, on March 13th at 10 a.m. came my blessing in disguise—the mass email from President Stanley explaining that classes had been cancelled until finals week, effective immediately. At the time, I thought this was the worst thing that could be happening to me. I love MSU and I didn’t want to leave. I was hesitant to tell my mom the news because I knew she’d get me on the next flight to Florida which would be the end of mine and my boyfriend’s relationship.
Now, if you remember the beginning of covid, none of us knew how this would turn out or what the future held. We were seeing flights being cancelled indefinitely and whole countries shutting down. My mom, of course, was not going to have me stuck in my boyfriend’s basement for God knows how long—side note, she had also been watching Contagion on repeat for days if that gives a little context. Once she heard the news, she immediately booked me a flight and I had less than 48 hours to pack away my life for what I thought was going to be 5 weeks, and leave. Little did I know I wouldn’t be returning to Michigan for the duration of 2020 and most likely the majority of 2021.
At the time, I hated my mom for getting me a flight so soon and not letting me say goodbye to everyone back at school, but looking back, I think it was the best way to do it. If I had time to process everything, I probably would not have boarded the plane. After all, mother really does know best.
I’m lucky I had the opportunity to stay somewhere that’s sunny year-round which made quarantine never really feel like quarantine, but instead an extended vacation. If I wasn’t at the pool or the beach you could catch me laying in my hammock or taking my dog for a walk. While it did get boring and lonely at times, I was grateful that I wasn’t stuck in Michigan at the worst time of year and I had the chance to rebuild the relationships with my family that had been lost over the last few years.
While the pandemic has affected all our lives immensely—some worse than others—I can’t help but feel that it has changed my life for the better. I now feel like I have a strong foundation at home which I’ve never had, and I have had the opportunity to start over. If it weren’t for my solid relationship with my mom, I would have never been strong enough to leave the relationship I was in and my life would look very different right now.
Being quarantined for months in a place where I don’t know anyone gave me a lot of time to reflect on my life. Because of the time I was given, I finally feel like I have an understanding of who I am and what I want. I still have a long way to go but I’m finding ways to navigate life and cope with stressors instead of avoiding and repressing them. I’m learning how to leave unhealthy relationships and friendships that take from me and leave situations that are no longer serving me. I’m learning how to listen to my body and take a moment to understand what my intuition is telling me. I’m learning how to trust myself. I’m learning how to be comfortable with myself and not take everything so personally. I’m learning how to put more time into things that will improve my life and less time into things that deter me from my success. But most importantly, I’m learning how to unapologetically be myself.
Sometimes, I think people just need a fresh start and as I look back on 2020 all I can feel is grateful that I’ve been given a new start. I live in a place I love, and I’ve found people that feel more like family than friends. I get to wake up greeted by the sun, palm trees and—my personal favorite—my dog, every morning. I’m meeting new people that know nothing about who I used to be. I’m experiencing life in a new way and I’m enjoying my time spent here before life comes along and moves me to the next place, the next adventure, and the next phase.
So as we enter the last month of 2020 and I look back on the last 11 months of this hell of a year, I’m proud of myself for how far I’ve come. Here’s to the last month of 2020 and to 2021.