The mirror is
My enemy,
An unavoidable insecurity.
I hate the reminder
Of you that it serves
When I look at myself.
I hate the mirror
My reflection.
It’s an aversion I haven’t
Processed, because I can’t.
I wish I could say I’ve gotten over it,
My hate for you,
For me.
I hate the reminder that You serve.
Of the memories you draw
And the pain you inflicted.
I see the darkness
When I look in the mirror.
The ones you put in me,
The thoughts that take me
One step closer to you.
I want to Run.
Run in the other direction,
Away from you
From the actions and words
That you can’t take back.
But neither can I.
I’ve done it too;
Caused pain,
Inflicted Darkness,
That I want to blame on
You.
But I can’t
I’ve done it too.
I just pray,
My lengths are shorter than
Yours.
You faux superhero
I believed you to be.
How wrong was I?
You
Were never a hero,
Always the villain?
An evil
That resides within me,
Dirt I wish to wash away.
Anger
That makes me
You.
But it’s forever,
Our DNA.
There won’t be saving.
No cleansing,
Or escaping from that darkness.
I can avoid the mirror,
Use some paint to cover up
The blemishes I feel
Crawling within me.
I’ll use paper
To cover the reflections
So I won’t find myself –
Because I’m afraid
Of what I might find if I do.
You.
But I want to run,
To me,
To find who I am.
But You won’t leave me alone.
With every turn,
The breath is stolen from my lungs.
Because
You yanked my heart from my chest
Even with eyes closed,
I never breathe because of what
You did.
Every second of pain,
Causes a sickness to churn
In my stomach.
Causes an ache to pulse
In the cavern you created.
A glance from You,
Of You,
That’s what it does.
But I’m tired
Of running and being afraid.
I need
To look in the mirror
At the glossy reflection of my eyes –
Our eyes.
At the contours of my round face
Dad’s face.
A face I want to see
And love,
Because he’s gone and
It’s all I have left.
And my enemy keeps him
Locked away from me.
Because I have an insecurity
That I can’t bring myself to confront
To solve the neglect I’ve
Been causing myself
From the dirty water I feel
Flows through my veins.
Our shared DNA –
That I need to accept,
As I’ve captured a
Reflection of myself.