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Sex + Relationships

Dating as a Christian Woman

Disclaimer: This article is in no way intended to make girls who share different beliefs question themselves or feel bad about themselves. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. All opinions are my own, and you have the right to not agree with me. While this article is specifically written for Christian girls, I think all girls could learn something from this.

In the society that we live in today, it seems like there is less value being placed on things such as a woman’s virginity or a girl’s first kiss. No longer are these moments that women or young girls dream about or enact multiple scenarios in their heads for, rather they are things to be done away with. Before you go thinking this is one of those ‘holier than thou’ articles, I assure you it is not. I judge no one for the things they say or do. It is possible that you won’t agree with what I say, but you might learn something or gain a new perspective. 

Once upon a time, virginity was something that was emphasized in many cultures. It was important for a woman to not have been touched by any man except her husband and vice versa. However, today it isn’t uncommon for a girl to sleep with a guy on the first date. By the way, there is no judgment here — your choices are your own. However, for Christian girls trying to navigate the dating world and are possibly dating non-Christian guys, it’s a bit tricky. Due to these changes in society, people exclaim when you’re let’s say twenty-two, and you’re still a virgin or you haven’t had your first kiss. And as if that isn’t bad, if you’re a really conservative Christian, you probably have had to explain to that really cute guy from music theory why he can’t play strings with your lips, or why you can’t have sex before marriage. I’m one of those conservative Christians, and I’m sure girls who are the same as me can relate when I wonder if I should just stop dating guys who aren’t Christians. Should I just stick with guys who share similar beliefs? 

Despite my non-extensive career in dating, I am here to tell you — that doesn’t work. You may be asking yourself why. Why wouldn’t it work if he shares the same Christian culture as me and he believes the same thing as me? Here’s a secret: some Christian guys want the same thing other guys want, so you might as well stop dating all guys if you’re adamant about sticking to the values you hold true. What you really need to do to navigate the world of dating both non-Christian and Christian guys is to follow these four steps.

 

Respect Yourself 

When a woman respects herself, she is powerful. Respecting yourself means handling yourself with care and holding yourself to a certain standard. When you respect yourself, you’ll be able to stand up for yourself, successfully set boundaries and not feel like you need that guy in your life. You’ll send a message to the guys that you attract. I know when you’re a Christian girl who is trying to stick to her values people might see you as a prude, but that doesn’t mean you should settle for any guy who gives you a little attention. It doesn’t mean that you should do anything in order to not lose him. Respect yourself so much that you’ll be able to hold your head high and move on. Don’t allow yourself to be pressured — especially by a guy who will quickly move on to his next.

Do Not Waver 

You have made this commitment not only to yourself but also to God. Like your faith in him, the choices that you make as a result of your faith should also stay strong. I’m not saying you won’t be tempted, but if it is really important to you then stand firm. Even when he flashes you a pearly white smile, and the dimple on his left cheek screams “hello,” don’t give in. Furthermore, if this guy really cares about you, he won’t pressure you. In fact, it is possible he’ll encourage you. What some people don’t understand, which is why they place such an emphasis on the physical aspect of a relationship (not saying it isn’t important), is that sex is only one component. When you’re old and frail and you’re not able to have a sexual relationship, what will keep you going is the beauty of each other’s minds, the deep conversations that you’ll have and the emotions and feelings that you will share with each other. So don’t get caught up in the physical aspect. Work on your emotional connection with the guy you’re interested in, and if he really cares then he’ll wait for you.

Keep Loving You 

When you’re dating (at this moment, I’m not only focusing on Christian girls but just girls in general), you have to be very intentional in how you treat yourself. At no point should you put a guy’s happiness above yours, with the exception of possibly partaking in a hobby of his like doing a Harry Potter marathon. Otherwise, it is an absolute no. While you care about a guy, and it is possible that you might even grow to love him, don’t love him so much that you lose yourself.

 

Trust In God 

Ladies, I have saved the best for last. This is the most crucial step when it comes to dating guys — you have to trust in God. He sees things that you don’t. He knows that guy is bad for you, even when you don’t. Have you ever heard the saying “All good things come in time,” or “Good things come to those who wait?” I’m positive that you have. Sometimes as women, we become so enthralled with the idea of having a boyfriend that we rush it. We become so desperate to be in a relationship that we date just about anyone. But we can’t do that, especially when you’re a Christian claiming to have faith. Simply, let go and let God. He’ll direct you to that right person.

Not all guys are bad. You just have to find the one who is willing to accept you and all that you stand for, and if you don’t (if you happen to have sex or have already had sex) that’s fine. I hope I have given some meaningful insight. Good luck ladies!

Kadrianna Cohen is a sophomore at Michigan State University. She is studying Political Science and Criminal Justice. She aspires to be a published author and lawyer one day, specifically one that specializes in Criminal Law. In her free time, she enjoys singing, reading, writing and spending time with her friends. She's also a Seventh-Day Adventist Christian who strives to continue growing in her faith with God.
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