Scrolling through my Substack feed this weekend, I came across a new term that I had never heard before: sapiosexuality. In a post by Thee Book Club titled “Confessions of a Sapiosexual,” I learned that sapiosexuality is a sexual desire rooted in the intellect and wit of another person, rather than their physical appearance or gender. Having recently joined a task force employed by my department to clarify policy and guidelines surrounding AI use, it is needless to say that this intersection of sapiosexuality and artificial intelligence brought about some initial questions: if AI usage feigns human intelligence, and humans employ AI in ways that alleviate themselves from the labor of critical thinking, what does that mean for sapiosexuals? From there, what cultural shifts in sexuality can we expect to see as these “intellectual” conversations become more homogenous as people refuse to think for themselves?Â
What sparks the desire of a sapiosexual?
Curiosity. The author of Thee Book Club, who refers to themselves as “A,” reflects on the role of curiosity in sapiosexual relationships: “questions are more romantic than compliments, it’ll take about a second to tell that a person is beautiful, but you must spend a lifetime asking questions to discover who they are.” They talk about how a grocery trip can lead to a 45-minute conversation about capitalism, or how a walk then turns into a conversation about free will — the trend here is a deep sense of wonder and a thirst for knowledge about how their significant other encounters the world. Sapiosexuals need “someone who can help (them) evolve, expose (them) to new ideas, perspectives, ways of life. Someone who can introduce (them) to books (they’ve) never read, make (them) question things (they) were sure of.”Â
What does AI do to our ability to participate in these critical conversations?
An over-reliance on AI is said to affect the users ability to engage in “reflective problem solving and independent analysis” when relied on too heavily for information retrieval and decision making. For the sapiosexual, this reduced ability in analysis might mean the conversation ends prematurely and may sabotage the depth of insight provided from one person to another. AI, in many cases, supersedes curiosity: we only search for what is directly relevant, we only find what we ask for. When we rely too heavily on AI for the answers to our questions, we deny ourselves the many paths that curiosity may lead us down. Gone are the days of rabbit holes and unexpected findings. My fear is that those of us who rely on AI in this way will grow used to this “question and answer” communication style and lose track of the complications that unadulterated intellectual conversation can provide us. For sapiosexuals, this hard-stop limit on communal knowledge production could become the equivalent to blue balls … who wants that?Â
Obviously I am joking, but it is important to ask ourselves: what happens to our connections with one another when we forget to complicate discussions with our own experiences, curiosities, and interests?
What cultural sexuality shifts can we expect to see?Â
Similarly to countercultural trends that have emerged from the “trad-wife” takeover or BBL craze, I could very well see sapiosexuality flourishing in small, fringe communities. On TikTok, there is an increasingly popular trend where people host what are called “learning parties,” where friends come together to teach each other their interests and skills and intentionally engage in their curiosities, once again making learning a communal activity. Trends such as this that spark out of necessity and resistance take hold over time and eventually bubble up into mainstream society. With AI overwhelming our daily conversations, this countercultural resistance is bound to establish itself, and my hope is that it sparks a new hunger for curiosity and intellectual engagement among our relationships. For sapiosexuals, this could be a period of true awakening.
Why are we talking about this?
Sexuality is a core pillar of what it means to be human — to have instincts and to live out our desires. The act of questioning, and following our curiosity and intuition, can lead us to solutions and experiences previously unthought of. When we box ourselves in and rely too heavily on one possible route, we lose sight of everything in the periphery. Sapiosexuality may serve as a natural repellent against the repercussions of overly integrated AI use, and may even face a surge in recognition once the first-hand negative impacts of AI use are recognized in daily conversations.