The Best Breakup Advice: As Told By 15 Friends (And Me)

In my quest for healing post break-up I’ve learned one thing amongst many: people are willing to offer advice when you ask them. I used to view the world as cruel and unhelpful, but it’s through my worst times that I discovered that people will pick you up if you only ask. So, I reached out - to everyone. I’m not normally the person to ask for help, but this time I did and the way that these words of advice have nurtured my soul is indescribable. If you find yourself in the midst of heartbreak, I hope these words of advice can heal you too. 

 

“Just know to take it day by day. It’s too overwhelming to think anything other than that. You’re not responsible for his actions or how he chose to act and feel. And it’s gonna feel impossible at first, but then it’s gonna be kind of okay, and then eventually you’ll be strong enough to move on and do so much better.” -Destyni L.

 

“Figure out who you are and who you want to be.. your hobbies, interests, career, school, friends, family, etc. Do not let him or the relationship you had between each other define you or your worth and value. You will not be alone forever, you deserve to be in a happy, living relationship where you feel cherished, wanted and loved. This guy wasn't it. But you'll find him (or her).” -Shaya M.

 

“Have a girls night or movie night with some delicious favorite snacks and amazing comedy! Find some new hobbies that you think will catch your interest! Don’t dwell in the past and try to avoid going back in time with your thoughts, make new memories your best memories.” -Jadee W.

 

“Let yourself feel everything.” -Alexa B.

 

“Take your time. Mourn the loss of what you’re used to. Appreciate the good memories and distract yourself from the hurt. Face your feelings but don’t get overwhelmed by them. Try to do your normal routine. Pick up a hobby or learn something new. Talk to your friends about it but try not to repeat yourself because it will take over. The more you realize what you can do without this relationship the better you’ll feel!” -Samantha A. 

 

“It felt like I would never get over it, I would never be normal. And the past 3 days have been good! I am finally starting to feel like myself, and what helped me was rethinking my future, because I had a future planned and an idea of what it would look like, and rethinking was very important. I started dating (I just downloaded Bumble) and it felt nice to be seen as an attractive person but also to meet such diverse people.” -Sulaima G. 

 

“If there was anything toxic in your relationship, let it go. Invest yourself in hobbies to take up your time, see your friends, keep yourself distracted. I’m 2 years into another relationship and it’s the most healthy, amazing one ever. Keep your light, keep shining.” -Eleni S.

 

“Take it day by day! Don’t get mad at yourself for not being able to do certain things yet. Make sure you’re eating and drinking water! Take care of yourself, run a hot bath, cry in the Taco Bell parking lot, write down all your feelings. I went through a pretty tough breakup not too long ago, and for me I made sure I’d leave the house and do something for me.Order your favorite food and eat it at the park, or go get that coffee. Start working out or eating healthy. Now's your time to see who you are and who you want to be. It's weird transitioning from a relationship to being alone. Try to make the best of it!” -Jessica L.

 

“Surround yourself with good friends who are supportive and kind.” -Alexandra M.

 

“Sometimes relationships don’t work out. It’s probably not either of your faults. Growing up and growing apart is so common, and sometimes it’s better for one person to realize and move on. You’ll be fine. I guarantee this experience will be something you grow from and when you find the person you’re going to be with, you’ll appreciate the experience. Your biggest hurdle right now is going to be finding peace and happiness being alone.” -Rachel L.

 

“Sometimes it’s time to close a new chapter so new ones will open.” -Anna R. 

 

“I made a list of 5 things I always wanted to do with my ex that he didn’t like doing or never did with me. I went and did them and realized that those were the things missing that filled up my cup that showed me he wasn’t right for me. I also made a list of all the things that weren’t great in our relationship and that I wanted to change and it made me feel better about our ending.” -Hannah C.

 

“Take time to grieve the loss but do not let it consume you.” -Audra J. 

 

"My advice is opposite of what most people say! Don’t rush to delete pics, don’t rush to get rid of his hoodies or T-shirt’s. Don’t rush to delete his texts or his contact. Take time to be sad, there’s nothing wrong with that!" -Kalli P. 

 

"My grandma told me one time, “You were okay before him so you are always going to be okay after him”, and I think about that so much. It really will get easier, but you have to give yourself time to actually feel and process every emotion. Don't feel like you ‘should’ be over certain things by a certain time or that you ‘shouldn't’ be feeling a certain way. Anything you're feeling is there for a reason." -Megan N.

 

 My last piece of advice comes from myself. There is always this immediate panic in the onset of your singleness, fixated around the idea of “What if I don’t find the right person?”. Everyone will tell you, “Don’t worry, you will!”, and they’re right you probably will, but you have to believe in the goodness of being your own soulmate too. Life is not about constantly seeking the next partner or new validation, nor should it be about obsessing over past heartbreak and relationships. In the midst of focusing on other people and partners you completely lose sight of the fact that you will always have yourself, and that is the only thing guaranteed in life. So, look in the mirror and become comfortable with your new separateness, and do not mistake solitude for loneliness, but recognize it instead as peace.