Indigo De Souza’s latest album, All of This Will End, channels a raw, emotional intensity. Hearing the music live on May 19 at El Club was like being in the heart of a wolf. It was a social rally call, and the space vibrated with a serene yet unrestrained energy.
The album seeks to protect and encourage the softness within us. The part of us that was in full force when we only knew innocence and were not yet exposed to the cruelty the world is capable of.
Connections between oneself, the body, nature, and other people are explored, reflecting an understanding of time and experiences that is cyclical. It is a project that reclaims the self and the body while validating the emotions from past experiences.
There are references to urban spaces or spaces carved out by man that are contrasted with references to the natural world, connecting that to a state of being and the body. These physical spaces––namely the parking lot, cars, houses (both in a literal and metaphorical sense) and the front lawn––evoke memories and feelings. They aren’t necessarily built with nature in mind. This disconnection or separation between nature and the man-made aspect of the world parallels the disconnect felt between oneself, the body, and the world.
We are perceived in a primarily physical manner, but our existence or experience in the world is not entirely physical. To be looked at and to be seen are two different things. The project contemplates what it means to be seen and how one can connect with themselves. This connection is explored through the body and nature. “Not My Body” is a song that depicts a person as more than the physical: “I’m not my body, although you see me.” Lines such as, “I want to be a redwood tree/ Feel desert sand below my feet” reflect a desire to exist outside the confines of the body, to be more than the body, and to experience the world as though you are nature.
The disconnect between nature and constructed spaces strengthens the disconnect between a person and their body. De Souza bridges that gap and creates a dynamic understanding of the body, identity, and experiences. All these ideas and entities that are often understood as separate are understood as connected and in play with each other.
Disconnect and dissociation are stronger in spaces that aren’t considering the natural world. In “All of This Will End,” the line, “out of body, idle in the kitchen” represents being out of tune with your body. The song “Parking Lot” lyrically and sonically portrays being overstimulated and panicked in a grocery store/parking lot setting. These spaces enhance the feeling of being stuck in one place and everything happening around you and inside you becomes overwhelming.
An outside looking in perspective is present in some of the songs to highlight dissociation, but, in others, it is used to demonstrate an acquired security and ability to protect yourself and the versions of you that have existed in the past. That element is present in “Always” with the lines, “always I see her,” “always I believe her,” and “always trying her best.” The “her” mentioned seems to be herself––either in the past, present or both. It could be understood as looking back on a past version of yourself with care and trust. Through this perspective, she becomes her own protector. The first track on the record, “Time Back,” also has that sense of protection. The sound of children in the background layered with De Souza’s vocals strengthens that sense of wanting to reclaim your past.
“Time Back,” “Parking Lot,” and “All of This Will End” contain lines that add to the themes of reclamation, cycles, and rebirth. They play with the idea of taking what once was and changing its form. “Time Back” ends with the claim, “I will begin again.” The song is separated into three different sections, and it goes through a cycle of emotions. It is a lyrical and sonic journey, but the last line is one that finds a small hope in the cycle. Furthermore, a cyclical understanding of the self and creation is strengthened by the word “dust” in two tracks. In “Parking Lot,” De Souza sings, “when the day is done, I feel like I could turn to dust.” It also appears in “All of This Will End” in the line, ““I want to turn my brain off/ want to turn my shame to dust.” Dust is involved in creation, and, therefore, these lines reflect a desire to transform. To turn to dust would also mean returning to the earth.
Transformation involves leaving a space that doesn’t open for you and immersing yourself in nature. “The Water” begins with the lines, “I walk up to your doorstep/ I walk up to your doorstep/ Look through the window/ I don’t think anybody’s home.” The doorstep, window, and home work as metaphors. The address “your” could refer to herself or her body, someone else’s body, or a literal space or building that she wasn’t able to enter at that time. Rather than waiting on the doorstep or for the door to open, she “rides down to the water,” and it becomes grounding. She sheds everything and enters the water, and it’s a transformative space. Reflections physically exist on the water, but it allows for an internal reflection as well. The third verse begins with, “I float down to that parking lot,” and there she thinks about a particular moment in the past. The water becomes both transformative and healing.
De Souza parallels lines within the project to further demonstrate transformation. In “The Water,” she sings, “I run my fingers through it [the water],” and this line parallels the song “All of This Will End,” where she begins by singing, “Inside my cage, I watch the clouds/ Getting angry, turning dark and raining down/ I let my fingers run.” In the latter, she is confined and watching from a position where she cannot freely explore. The cage could be understood as a cage someone else placed you in or it could be one you created yourself. However, in “The Water,” she’s outside and able to explore and connect with everything around her.
All of This Will End is an album that reclaims and preserves softness. It recognizes and accepts the truth that it all will end eventually. The existential anxieties and fears don’t disappear, but all the feelings within you are validated and there is an openness to love. The album presents the opportunity to embrace the life around you and become present in your experiences. It allows for connection, growth, and transformation.