It’s not a relationship. We’re not going on cute dates together or holding hands in public. We’re not hooking up either. He texts me when he’s bored and asks to hang out, and I’ll go over to his place and we’ll talk until midnight. He knows my deepest traumas but not my favorite color. He’ll hold me in his arms and tell me he’s not ready for a relationship, but then he won’t let go.
In the beginning, this type of relationship feels good. Without the added pressures of a romantic relationship, you’re just able to get to know each other. It’s supposed to be better, right?
You might not be ready for a romantic relationship, which is fine. You might even think you’re incapable of falling in love, and that’ll protect you from developing feelings. However, just because you’re not quick to fall in love doesn’t mean you’re not able to form an emotional connection with someone. When a message remains on “opened” for hours and hours, you don’t want to admit how disappointed you are. You find yourself waiting for your phone to buzz, hoping it’s from them.
One of my favorite musicians, Sasha Alex Sloan, summarized the feeling of a situationship perfectly in her song Hurt:
I probably shouldn’t sleep over
‘Cause I know that I’m making it worse
I freak out every time we get closer
‘Cause I’m scared that it’s just gonna hurt
Navigating these kinds of situations is tricky because it varies from person to person. Maybe you’re hoping to turn your situationship into a relationship. Or maybe you just wanted to have fun with someone, only to find yourself developing unwanted feelings.
The best thing you can do is to set boundaries. It’s important to set healthy boundaries with everyone, not just significant others. When it comes to situationships, boundaries are especially important. You don’t want the other person to treat you like a significant other if you’re not, so say no to those boyfriend-level requests.
It’s okay to take yourself out of a situationship! If you feel the need to give an ultimatum regarding your relationship, it’s time to say goodbye. Anyone who is interested in dating you will make their intentions clear, and whoever says otherwise lacks the maturity to be in a relationship anyway. If you find yourself continuously disappointed by them, remove yourself from that situation. You’re worthy of more than someone who only texts you when it suits them. Know what you deserve, and don’t settle for anything less.