As my 22nd birthday and graduation approaches, I have been thinking a lot about how my life has changed.. As corny as it sounds, the last few years have been extremely transformative. I hope this article serves as an example of how much your life can change for the better. Where you are right now is not permanent.
- You are more than your achievements.
As cheesy as this may sound, I have gone through phases where my entire self worth was weighed completely based on goals and whether or not I achieved them.f. While it is important to have goals, it is equally important to go easy on yourself and recognize that you are a person. You will never be able to completely control what may happen to you, but you can control what you make of yourself and how you treat others.
- Learn how to set boundaries.
I have been a people pleaser since middle school. I struggle with wanting external validation from others and setting boundaries. An uncomfortable thing I have had to learn is how to set boundaries, even if the other person may not like it. If you feel like a friend doesnt have your back, it is fair to want an open discussion. You shouldn’t be silent in fear of retaliation. General boundary communication in relationships is important. If you don’t have good communication, that isn’t going to be a long-lasting relationship.
- Stop trying to be liked by everybody
Based on my last point, it is absurd to try to be liked by everybody. While it is uncomfortable to not be well received, that’s life. Not everyone will understand you, and you won’t understand everyone. It’s okay.
- Invest in yourself
With turning 22, I feel that my sense of self is stronger than it was even a year ago. I really attribute investing in myself to this. Set boundaries in relationships, try to eat balanced, move your body, take time to do things solo like working out, shopping, being outside, or even “rotting” (laying down and doing nothing) when needed. You need to take care of yourself and give yourself adequate time to rest and recover. Otherwise, you will face burnout.
- Invest in your close relationships
Going to college has taught me a lot about different friendships. What has been consistent for me throughout these four years is investing into my relationships with my family and friends. Again, don’t let yourself be walked all over, but spending time on your social life is essential!
- Acknowledge your success
I am sad that college is coming to an end. However, I am excited about the future. I came to this university four years ago and I am coming out with a degreein something I am really passionate about, and that is worth celebrating.
- Be patient
Not everything in life will fall into your lap; relationships, school, work, etc. As learned from these past four years, valuable things take time.
- Your only competition is your potential
I saw this quote on pinterest recently. You really should not be competing with others. Competition in the “game of life” and can not be quantified by a job, GPA, or degree. We all have our own potential, and it is a matter of being in-tune with our potential and taking advantage of it, rather than trying to be like someone else.
- Success will follow passion and hardwork
If you are passionate about something and show that you are willing to put in hard work, you will be rewarded in some regard. In my case, I really wanted research experience during undergrad. With this passion, I was able to show how I am eager to get involved and learn in research, and therefore,I have in turn been rewarded with various research opportunities. This can’t always be the case, but I like to think that hard work does pay off.
- Remember when you wanted what you currently have
In alignment with this theme of self reflection, it is important to not lose sight of how far you have come–you should be proud!
- Try to avoid being a procrastinator
Again, investing in yourself, being proactive with homework or cleaning willhelp your future self! Do not overload yourself with things to do and try to make a to-do list or schedule for each day of the week.
- Do not idealize relationships
While you should not have low expectations, it can be easy to idealize relationships or see no-fault in someone that you really like– especially in terms of dating. People are human, and you can’t assume someone will know how you want to be treated.
- Be kinder to yourself
Again, back to the people pleaser thing– I think it is easy to treat others better than you would treat yourself. That is just not fair to your own level of self worth. Do not sabotage yourself, you deserve to be healthy and happy.
- You will not grow if you don’t experience being uncomfortable.
Learning to be comfortable with the uncomfortable is simply a part of life. Uncomfortable situations can help us grow.
- Become aware of what is worth your energy
Conserve your energy to do well in school and work and let the rest follow. Your social life should not be draining you.
- Appreciate the mentorship you have now, especially in school
Undergrad is a time of exploration and establishing yourself in the field that you are studying. This is why mentorship can be so important to one’s personal and professional development. Take advantage of classes you really enjoy, or a professor that you like working with; they are there to teach you! My current mentor has been truly incredible, so if you are in a similar situation, take the time to ask for any advice and work on a tangible project with them. I’ve loved my research involvement on campus and I really owe it to the mentors I’ve had.
- Realize that some things are out of your control
Letting go is something I think a lot of us struggle with. There’s a certain point you hit where you need to realize that dwelling on things out of your control does more harm than good.
- Stop searching for things you dislike about yourselfand focus on what you do like
Going off of my last point; what is the sense in dwelling on insecurities? You can always work on bettering yourself, but there’s also some insecurities that you will have to learn to like or deal with in a healthier way. Little is gained from dwelling on things you can’t change that you don’t like about yourself.
- If someone isn’t treating you right, you don’t need to continue putting energy into that relationship
This sounds kind of obvious right?But it might not be to some people pleasers like myself. If someone makes you feel worse about yourself, doesn’t find interest in your life, and just makes you feel worse after you spend time with them, I think this is a sure sign that your relationship with that person is not meant to be.
- Learn how to manage stress in a healthy way
When school and life in general gets too stressful, it’s important that you have healthy coping skills. Personally when I’m really stressed and frustrated I try to take a break from school work and workout at the gym. I also love hanging out with my friends, running solo errands, doing my makeup and picking out a cute outfit to boost my mood.
- Make the most of life!
This is very cliche, believe me I am aware. Dwelling on drama or negativity only gets you so far. There is a way to balance ranting while also enjoying life; learning how to deal with not-so-great things is an important part of life! I also want to emphasize that especially in college, I would try to take advantage of any opportunity that comes my way. Whether this be a job, internship, possible friendship, or club to join! Be open to what college and life has to offer, instead of dwelling on negativity.