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Horrifying Tales of a Community Bathroom

The college dorm is a very interesting place. A huge community of people who don’t always know each other all staying together…ok well it’s not that different from an apartment complex. There is one distinct difference though, community bathrooms. Now not every dorm has a community bathroom, but the ones that do can be an experience. 

One thing about the female community bathroom is that it completely dispels the man-made myth that women aren’t gross. Women are just gross and it’s both disgusting and empowering. On one hand I feel empowered as a woman with some things I’ve witnessed; on the other hand, there are times that I am utterly repulsed by what we are capable of. 

One thing that never ceases to bother me, and it’s something that can be found anywhere, are people who just don’t know how to flush a toilet. I can’t begin to understand how grown adults don’t know how to flush a toilet. It’s freaking gross! If there are plumbing issues I get that, other than that there is no reason a person shouldn’t be flushing the toilet. Even if the toilet backs up you have plunger there to fix the problem! There has been such a problem with this lately our RA’s have had to put up signs not only telling us to flush the toilets but also how to plunge the toilet. 

Now the showers on my floor are pretty decent, they aren’t amazing, but they do have one feature I greatly appreciate is that it has a door that locks. The floor I was on last year had an awesome shower itself, but it only used curtains. It was so uncomfortable and I was worried I was gonna have an experience like Anna Kendrick in Pitch Perfect. The showers on my current floor aren’t great, but the door locks and for me, that’s so much more important considering that I have had people almost walk in WHILE I’m showering! 

I must also express that depending on who you are it’s important to figure out when the right time to shower is. I’m the kind of person who treats the shower like a concert or DJ set. Not everyone enjoys that which is upsetting because not only is my music fun, but y’all are harshing the vibe. I’m Hannah Montana and this is my moment to shine! I have had people come in while I’m just enjoying my nice shower and tell me to shut (insert curse word) up. Needless to say, I was devastated!  If it’s not someone harshing my vibes it’s people playing music while I’m playing music. This isn’t as bad but it’s like booking Rihanna and Beyonce at the same time you can’t enjoy Single Ladies while Umbrella is playing and vice versa. 

Another fun thing about the dorm bathroom is that you can tell when there’s been a specific problem based on what bathroom posters the RA’s put up. There’s some right now reminding us how to plunge toilets. There have been others telling us to “be a sweetie, wipe the seatie.” I think the one that has both humored and upset the most has been a meme of Raven from That’s So Raven saying “Flush the toilet, ya nasty!” The thought that we have to remind people to do these things is so concerning to me.  I can’t express all of the weird things that have happened in my dorm bathroom, it’s not possible. But I will end with an experience that left me so embarrassed that I hope no one else ever does this.  

I know that people bring their phone to the restroom with them. I get it – we all do it. There are unspoken rules on how to use your phone in the bathroom. If you are using the bathroom DO NOT under any circumstances have a conversation on the phone! (First of all, that is gross for the person on the other end.) 

Someone in the stall next to me one time started talking on the phone and I hadn’t realized that’s what she was doing so I answered back to what she was saying. She’s at least one or maybe two minutes in before she realizes that I am responding to her and yells at me “Girl I ain’t talking to you! I’m on the phone!” I, an extremely embarrassed individual, finish as quickly as possible and run away from the bathroom because at that moment my anxiety was a 12 on a scale of 1-10. 

Bailey Glasgow

Montevallo '22

Student at the University of Montevallo studying in Musical Theatre who enjoys writing, cooking, and volunteer work. Catholic. Story teller and believer in fairness and equality for all. Wrote a letter to Forrest Fenn about his poem once, he was chill.
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