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Anna Thetard / Her Campus

Being the “Logical” Friend

More recently I have come to the simple conclusion that I am the logical one in most, if not all, of my friend groups. What I mean by “logical” I mean I am the one who makes reasonable decisions, gives advice not driven on emotions, and I am very upfront with people about what I do and do not want. While many think my straightforwardness and complete and total honesty is a great trait to have, it has gotten me into conflicting situations here and there. I love how I am someone my friends and sometimes near-strangers come to me for advice because they know that I will give them honesty no matter who they are. I wasn’t always like this, though. I used to be like a lot of people and be someone to say what people want me to say when they come to me. If someone came to me, angry at another for whatever reason, I would automatically agree with them no matter if I thought they were in the wrong or not. There was a feeling that I would get afterward, a feeling of regret and a bitter taste on my tongue because of the conformity I spoke when asked for advice. In the past few years, I have worked on changing that part of myself and the results are not all bad, but not all good, either.

    Honesty is the best policy, we are taught that from preschool, but it can be hard to maintain honesty when a friend is crying on your shoulder and they need the best advice. Knowing what to say and what not to say has been a struggle still as I believe I have become too honest, almost losing myself in the swarm of statements provided by others when they claim how honest and straight-forward I am with people. The good thing that has come out of this is that people trust me to be honest with them. They know that if they want a truthful opinion on something, then they know they would get that from me. Now, if I am being honest, I believe the reason why I am so straightforward and honest is because after the past few years of changing the way I am there for people, I have begun to lack empathy. I care about people, I truly do. If I didn’t care, then I wouldn’t bother being there for others and listening when they speak. The problem that I have been realizing lately is that I find myself not able to care enough about someone’s situation to consider how I should answer anymore. An example of what I mean is if someone is talking to me about an argument with their significant other or parent or close friends and I am listening to them, but when I think of my honest opinion and/or advise, I bypass how the person feels and rather focus on the facts—thus coming up with a logical piece of advice. It’s great, they receive their “what to do” that is completely and utterly void of emotion.

    I know what you must be thinking, but I do care about people and I care about what they do with whatever they’re dealing with, but I find myself not able to care about how their relationship with whoever or whatever will be affected, how their own feelings come into play. The point of my confession is the aspect of growth. I talk about how I am constantly growing, every decision made, every morning I wake up, it impacts my overall growth as an individual. Becoming this literal logica person has the benefits of trust and truth, but the factors of not caring about the whole picture has started to greatly impact my personal relationships with others and myself. Sometimes, I find myself having a hard time caring, I have to try and force myself to care about certain things that I know I should be caring about. 

    Whether I have issues of caring or not, I know now that my mentality when it comes to social speech and “advice” giving is not where I would like it to be, just like how I wasn’t happy with the conformity I used to be in. The real point of this article is exactly what I have been saying, this is me being open and honest and overall….logical. There are times when you do need to come to the realization that who you are right now is not who you really want to be and my most logical side helps me realize that sooner than most. The growth is constantly there and just because I feel detached from the empathy I am “supposed” to feel doesn’t change the fact that it is not the only factor in my life and it is not the one thing that influences the person I am tomorrow or the person I will be in a year from now. There is no right or wrong way to feel, but the acknowledgment of your emotions and motives is something many still struggle with. In times of conflict or confusion within myself I recenter myself. Meditate. Rejuvenate. Grow.

    Remember to love yourselves, darlings. Growth is constant, welcome it and enjoy it.

Hello! My name is Molly and I am the current Senior Editor for Her Campus @ MSNU and have been a part of the organization since the Spring of 2019! My major is Anthropology with a triple minor in Ethics, philosophy, and Humanities and will be graduating in the Spring of 2022 after studying abroad in Aberdeen, Scotland this Fall 2021. You can usually find me reading and drinking tea in my favorite chair or spending quality time with friends and my pets - a sweet Golden Retriever named Elijah and a cute kitty named Paris Kisses. My articles focus mainly on self-care, wellness, astrology, life-style, and some personal insight as well.
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