As roommates both last year and this year we are here to offer some experienced (but unprofessional) advice. We live together, go to school together, and do everything (possibly too much) together, so we understand being around someone so often can cause conflict to easily arise. Whether you are roommates that do everything together like us, or just need to figure out how to share a space and not murder each other, here are some tips to communicate effectively!
Understand Your Needs
Before navigating any issue with your roommate, make sure to check in with yourself. You need to understand what you want and need from your roommate to live comfortably.
If Something Is Bothering, You Speak Up
DO NOT INTERNALIZE ISSUES. We know that seems intense, but seriously do not hold in every little thing until you explode. It will only make it worse. When we first started living together we were afraid to express what was wrong to each other. No matter how much you internalize issues, they will come out passively. That brings us to our next point…
Address Issues Directly
Be straightforward with your roommates. Expecting them to understand your passive aggressive hints is unfair to them and unproductive for you. Approach a problem directly, explain to them what is wrong and why it is upsetting you, and please, please, please do not leave a note or letter!!
Do Not Bring Up Issues When Upset
If you are angry, emotional, or extremely stressed, do not have a confrontational conversation with them. It will only turn into a fight. Causing a fight will not only not resolve the issue, it will also strain your relationship. We have gotten into a yelling match before that was completely beside the point because we both went into the conversation emotional. You only end up saying things you wish you didn’t, just wait until you are both calm.
Listen To Their Side, REALLY!
Do not approach an issue with a monologue and then expect everything to be resolved. Hear them out and REALLY REALLY ACTIVELY listen to what they have to say. Try to see where they are coming from and think about how they are feeling.
Understand How To Comprise
You are living with a roommate, not alone, comprising is in the deal. Both of you have your own preferences and backgrounds and arguing in circles won’t help. Learn to understand each other and come up with a solution that works for you both.
You Will Get Annoyed With Them
Let us repeat that, you will definitely get annoyed with them. Becoming frustrated with someone you live with is normal and totally okay. Sharing a space is stressful and not an easy task. Some days any little thing they do will bother you, and again, that is normal and okay. What isn’t okay is blowing up at them. Just take some time to be by yourself!
Living with other people is difficult and it takes effort from all parts to ensure everyone is comfortable and happy.
Sarah: Try out these tips and remember you are not the only one struggling, we still do too!
Cassidy: We do?
Sarah: …..