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Friendship is one of the most valuable things this world brings us. I feel like you cannot live properly if you do not have friends to lean on in times of need, or laugh with into the late hours of the night. The friendships that come with girlhood and growing up are the most sacred, but they are also the ones most likely to change. The little girl you used to be is not the same as the woman you have become, and that is OK.
It is important to understand that people come into or leave our lives for a reason. We need different people during different stages of our lives. I want to drive home the notion that while losing friends can and will happen, we still need to take time to mourn and understand that it‘s natural to miss someone.
Friendships are meant to change and adapt. This means that some friendships start to lose their spark, or you don’t relate to each other anymore. It could be for a thousand different reasons, but the overarching theme is that it’s universal across the world.
To associate “loss” with friendship seems dramatic. We use that word for more serious topics, but I feel the loss of a friendship is still an important topic to cover. It is an experience that everyone goes through at some point in their life, and it affects those involved in different ways.
Whether it was a direct choice or something that happened over a long period of time, a friend exiting your life is upsetting. Sometimes, there are people in your life who simply do not change with you. It seems like such a straightforward way of thinking, but I understand the pain that comes with leaving someone behind. It’s difficult to lose someone who you thought would be around for many years to come.
It is even harder to notice the signs and know you have to distance yourself. There are a multitude of ways to separate from someone, but communication is key. I have made the mistake of not communicating, and it not only leaves your friend questioning if they did something wrong, but it also doesn’t give you any closure. Communicate your feelings to people, and let them know if they hurt you. Sometimes people don’t understand that the things they are doing or saying are detrimental to you, and having an open conversation with them can help them.
I have been learning to forgive myself and allow myself to realize that some things are for the better. You should not hold yourself responsible for other people not aligning with your values anymore. Put yourself first, and understand what is best for you. It is okay to grow, mature and change. You are supposed to. If it’s not meant to be anymore, then people will show themselves in ways that will let you know that it’s time. It might even be mutual, and your decision is easier.
While losing a friend is something you should look at with a mature mindset, I also want to say that you should not just be OK with losing a friend. Losing a friend and then simply moving on too quickly is not healthy. Talk about it with someone, or journal about it. Keeping your thoughts in will alter your view of the person, and potentially make you loathe the situation more. If you are constantly only thinking of a person, you will get in your head and remain unable to change. It’s a double-edged sword, and the negative consequences will overtake the positive if you do not deal with both sides.
You can miss someone and the memories associated with them, but still know it was best for the friendship to end. Both can be true. Somewhere down the road, they could reach back out, and your lives might align more. The break in the friendship might have been for the better, and now you both have grown and improved yourselves and are ready to try again.
These deep and real relationships make us human. Friendships and relationships in general are meant to change. It’s unfortunate that this means people will leave our lives as we walk along our own paths. There is a very real pain that comes with knowing a friendship will end, and it actually happening. Missing a person can consume you, and it is important for you to deal with things healthily. Knowing yourself and your worth when it comes to other people can help exponentially in the human experience we call loss.