There isn’t one! And thank goodness there isn’t because I am failing in the eyes of society.
A major pressure women face is the constant reminder that they should have reached certain stages of their life by a specific age. For example, thinking that a woman should be in a serious relationship with a partner by 25 and probably think of starting a family no further than their 30s. However, life stages are not linear. There is no deadline to reach specific life events.
Personally, I feel as if many people around me are so far ahead of the process. My friends are all at different stages: one is about to graduate and go to grad school, another recently changed her career path in her junior year of college and two are on the verge of an engagement. They are we are all over the place and our 20s have only just begun. Yet, I know that I am also in a place where they aren’t with my accomplishments and goals. It’s just where we each happen to be at this particular moment in life. Our surroundings, relationships, work-life, etc. are all over the place compared to one another while most of society is putting pressure on people to look a certain way and to have had certain achievements by a certain age.
Sometimes we become so caught up and forget everyone has their own timelines.
Read that again: everyone has their own timeline.
So, I reached out to some of my friends, who are in their early 20s. I asked them to share a little about their life journey and describe the stage of life they’re in right now. I am writing this to remind you, and myself, that there’s no rule book that states how we should be living in our 20s. No matter what stage of life you’re in right now, you are in the right place.
Madeline is a Psychology major graduating this spring and moving 10+ hours away to a new city to begin graduate school.
“I think that I am at the right stage for me,” Madeline said. “I feel very reassured with what I am doing.”
She believes that society would want her to be in a serious relationship by now, or at least have had lots of experience with relationships. Even though she is in a good place in her career and schooling, Society says she is behind since she isn’t focusing on a romantic relationship.
Her advice to anyone questioning where they are at in life: “I’m still figuring out a lot, but try to be satisfied in the moment and be happy with what you do have so you are not missing out on other parts of it,” Madeline said.
Phoebe is a music education major who just bought a house with her boyfriend.
In terms of society’s view of a 20-something, Phoebe has probably succeeded it. Still in college, on track to graduate on time, moving in with her long-term boyfriend and is on the verge of being engaged. To me, she is killing it.
She is heavily involved on campus and even has many leadership roles in her department. She is building an impressive resume all while juggling college courses and working.
Her advice to anyone questioning where they are at in life: “Just focus on you. The work you put in and people you surround yourself with will show you what is and isn’t working for you.”
Sarah graduated with her associate’s online because she didn’t feel like the campus experience was for her.
When she moved online she took a job as a teacher’s assistant and has now moved up to headteacher at an early childhood learning center. While society might view her as the least successful out of all of us, she is currently the only one who has her career path job. Sarah said that there is still a lot she has to figure out, but she knows that it will all become clear in time.
Her advice to anyone questioning where they are at in life: “Don’t worry about what others think,” she said. “Go jump in puddles and dance in the rain. You are only in your 20s once!”
I think it’s important for us as a society to relearn a way of respecting how different everyone’s lives are, and how we all have no idea what people are going through, which may as well be the reason for these differences. It is no secret that many students are scared to attend community college, or even a less prestigious university than what is expected of us.
My advice: celebrate each other’s joy! Being able to spread acceptance and congratulate people on their lifestyles, no matter how different from yours or the “norm” they are, will help to assure people that they are in the right place for them.
Take a deep breath and congratulate yourself for making it how far you’ve come. And remember, don’t compare your chapter one to someone else’s chapter twenty.