We all have had to let go of something in our lives, whether that be an item we lost, a car that was sold or broke down, a person, or, in my case, a home. This summer, my parents decided to sell the house I grew up in, and the only one I ever lived in before going to college.
Being an out-of-state student, I always looked forward to going back to the home I’ve known for the 19 years of my life. When my parents told me we were moving, I was devastated, as someone who develops an emotional connection to things. This was really hard for me to hear. I felt like when I went home, I wasn’t really going to my home. However, this summer, while moving, I found ways to let go without forgetting the memories held in my childhood house. Here are some things I have done to help me cope.
Relive the Memories
Finding out I was leaving my childhood home was something I never thought would happen. I was caught off guard when my mom called and told me our house had been sold. As I processed the news, I realized it wasn’t the idea of leaving the house itself – but instead having to leave all of the memories that that house held for me. It was where three of my grandparents, who have now passed away, lived with us, where I met my best friend, but also where I watched the trees grow up with me.
It would be easier not to think about those memories and keep them in until after we moved. Surely I’d get over it, right? I couldn’t have been more wrong; relieving these memories by sitting outside on the patio and looking at the trees, going into the guest room where my grandparents had lived and just sitting in each room looking through pictures helped me realize that just because this place where all the memories were made isn’t going to be mine anymore, doesn’t mean it’s gone. As the wise words of Taylor Swift, “Hold onto the memories, they will hold onto you.”
Focus on the Present
By focusing on the day-by-day aspect, I helped not dread the future. I focused on the tasks that day, which allowed me not to think about what was coming. I was able to enjoy the last moments I had with the house. When we did move, I was slowly becoming OK with the idea of creating a new room just the way I wanted. Being present can make it easier to deal with the jumble of emotions that come with letting go.
Let your friends and family be a distraction, and that helps you realize that this thing or person you’re letting go of wasn’t your whole world, and life will go on without it or them. It won’t be easy; it will take a lot of time and effort to think about it without getting sad, but the void left will slowly become smaller, and even though it might never be filled, it will become less noticeable.
Cry a lot, and that’s OK
I’m not going to lie to you, I cried a lot, but that’s OK, it helped me get my emotions and feelings out about this place I hold so dearly in my heart. I cried in every room of the house before we left. I still cry, but that’s just how I work through my feelings. I know it will be hard to go back home and not go to the house I’ve always known, but I’ve realized that it’s not the house that makes it home, but the people in it. A good cry in the car to some devastatingly sad music always makes me feel better.
Crying has such a stigma to it, and sometimes I think people feel they can only cry for a “valid reason” like a death or physical pain. Never apologize for crying; it’s such a beautiful emotion, it shows how much you really feel for something. Feel your feelings, let them out and then move forward.
One of my favorite quotes that I always think of when I’m upset is, “We cannot selectively numb emotions; when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive ones.”
-Brene Brown
Say Thank You, not Goodbye
Saying goodbye makes it sound so formal that this thing is gone forever, so I like to say thank you instead. Thank you for the memories, for keeping me safe, and thank you for giving me an incredible home to grow up in. I’ve written letters to the house. I keep them in a journal that I open when I miss this place. I read the letters, look at the pictures, and if I’m being honest, sometimes I cry, but I often laugh. I relive the memories that were made in this place that raised me.
Letting go looks different for everyone, and that’s more than OK. If you’re struggling to let go, I hope this article gives you a place to relate and maybe even something you might do to help you let go.
I will end this article with one last quote that has helped me through some of the toughest times of my life: “Little by little we let go of loss… but never of love.”