Honest Advice on Healing, Growing and Moving Forward After a Breakup.
Breakups are one of those things no one really prepares you for, yet somehow, everyone goes through them. You’re still figuring out who you are, what you want and where you’re going, so losing someone who was part of that journey can feel like your life is ending. Suddenly, everything feels a little different, from your routines to your weekends, to even the songs you listen to. But the good news is that this can also be a turning point, a chance to learn more about yourself and grow stronger than before.
As a college student, going through a breakup may happen, but that doesn’t make it any less… scary. Whether you are the breaker or the break-ee, there always seems like there is something about it that hurts. It can be a scary age to be in a relationship, with some relationships seemingly being on a direct pathway to an engagement and some are just for simply having fun and getting to know each other. Whatever your circumstance is, I am here to say that your feelings are valid. I am no expert on relationships or breakups, but as someone who recently went through my second major breakup, it feels pretty relevant in my life. Here are all my best tips and tricks to not only get through the heartbreak, but to thrive.
The first step: cry it out. Allow yourself space to feel sad, angry, confused or whatever emotion you’re feeling. Feel it. Not only can this help you feel better throughout the day to not bottle up heavy emotions, but it can also help you get over the breakup faster.
Next, journal. It can sometimes feel helpful to journal, not only to better understand your own feelings but to sort through what happened in the relationship that went wrong, or maybe even was right. In my experience, it can also remind me that I am my own person. You are one of the only people who will always be there for yourself, so don’t be afraid to get to know yourself better.
Routine. Routine. Routine. Whether it was spending a lot of time together, texting 24/7 or long FaceTimes, your ex probably took up a good chunk of your time and adjusting to life without that is one of the strangest parts of all of it. The key is to fill that space with something that brings you stability and purpose. Start by rebuilding your daily routine around you: wake up at the same time, go for a walk, make your coffee and plan your day with intention. It might feel strange at first, but small habits can slowly create a sense of normalcy again.
Spend time with yourself. The more you spend time with yourself and the more you do things by yourself, the more comfortable you will become. While doing something like taking yourself out to a restaurant can be a great idea, it can also feel a little intimidating at times. When I realized how badly I needed to spend time by myself, or was maybe forced to spend time by myself, I found that my favorite activities included things like going to the gym, going shopping (for clothes/groceries/anything at all), going on walks and even traveling. You may not have noticed it, but there are almost always going to be a lot of other people who go alone to the gym or to the store, so you don’t have to worry about any feelings of awkwardness.
Prioritize time with friends. Plan those cute fall dates with your friends, plan that fun night out, even just a trip to Target. This is something that I have struggled with in my past, as I have wanted to prioritize my friendships, but at the time, I felt like I only had a small handful of friends I could truly hang out with anytime. This is where taking the time to make the plans, reaching out to new and old friends and going out of your way to become a part of new communities is so important.
In the timeline that is right for you, don’t be afraid to form new romantic connections. As a 20-year-old, I have found that I often have to remind myself that life is just not that serious. Going on a date with someone new doesn’t erase what you may have had with your ex-relationship. Meeting new people doesn’t have to mean more than just getting to know a new person and getting the chance to learn more about what your wants and needs are in a future relationship. Life is all about learning about yourself and this is a great way to do that.
Getting over a breakup isn’t about pretending it didn’t hurt, it’s about learning to live with the ache until it fades. Healing isn’t linear, and there’s no exact timeline or “right” way to move on. Some days you’ll feel fine, but others, it’ll hurt all over again. But with time, self-care and a little grace, the pieces start to come together. You’ll rediscover who you are outside of that relationship and that version of you is absolutely someone worth knowing. Eventually, you’ll look back and realize you didn’t just get over them, you came back home to yourself.