Gopher Confessions: Roommate Edition

Roommates. Can’t live with them, and most of the time, can’t live without them because of how expensive it’s to live alone in Minneapolis these days. It’s almost inevitable that we’ll all, at one point in our lives, live with a roommate. Sometimes they’re people you know: your best friends or mere acquaintances. Then there are the roommates that are completely random. Some are messy and inconsiderate. Others are b*tchy or just flat out weird.

Either way, you have to get use to living with them. For some people at the University of Minnesota, getting along and living peacefully with their roommates is a little more difficult. Her Campus Minnesota set out with a handy dandy Google Form to see what students like you had to say about their ghosts of roommates past and present.

Filthy Roommates

“My roommate's side of the room’s a disaster. She leaves her laundry everywhere with no discernible organization for clean and dirty clothes. She also takes out food from the cafeteria, like burgers or chicken sandwiches, in to-go containers and leaves them on her desk for days without refrigerating them.”

“Freshman year, I had temporary housing. My first roommate had terrible hygiene. She’d never shower and would never take out her trash. It got so bad at one point, I could see a used feminine napkin beneath her bed in plain sight. Needless to say, I requested an early transfer into a permanent dorm.”

“Saying that the girl I lived with last year was a total slob is an understatement. On top of leaving her sh*t everywhere and never cleaning up after herself, she literally never washed her clothes. Over the span of the nine months that I lived with her, she did laundry ONE TIME. Our room smelled absolutely disgusting from her overflowing dirty clothes hamper.  In addition to that, she was one of those people that didn't understand why you needed to wash towels. Sure, you can use a towel a couple of times before you need to wash it, but she didn't wash her towels a single time all last year. One time, I picked one up to move it and it was literally crunchy in places.. Let's just say I don't miss living there.”

Downright B*tchy Roommates

“My old roommate went to a party with me and I started talking a guy who showed interest me. He was very cute. She came up to me, very intoxicated and slapped me across the face and told me that I stole her guy. Apparently, she saw this guy in the dining hall a few weeks ago and thought he was cute. She then proceeded to tell me the whole night how I needed to leave because this wasn't my house (It wasn't hers either, we lived together) and basically ran away from me all night. [I] didn't realize seeing a boy a few weeks ago at dinner and not telling anyone counted as dibs.”

“I transferred my second semester of freshman year and lived in an apartment with two other girls. I shared a room with one girl who maybe said 25 words to me the entire semester. I lived in this constant state of awkwardness in my own room because she just refused to speak to me! She was also the most passive aggressive person I’ve ever met. Instead of simply asking me if she could turn the light off so she could go to bed, she’d lay in her bed and sigh loudly until I got up and turned the light off myself. She’d also turn the light off when I’d step out of the room even for a second. How passive aggressive can you be, girl? All you had to do was ask!”

“[My roommates] were all best friends and hardly acknowledged that I lived there. I was their permanent picture taker for when they dressed up or wanted to post Instagrams. When their boyfriends visited, most of them were surprised they had a fourth roommate or that I hadn't ever moved somewhere else.”

Roommate Revenge

“Me and my boyfriend had sex in my roommate's bed to get revenge. She was the worst roommate ever. All of my [other] roommates and some of our close friends were in on it, and even encouraged it.”

“My roommate had a boyfriend, but brought back another guy when she was drunk and had sex with him right in front of me. She then got mad at me when I told her boyfriend.”

Just Flat Out Weird Roommates

“[My roommate] likes to stay up until four or five in the morning, sleep until she has ten minutes to get to class or skips it altogether, and then gets back from class and naps from 4 p.m. to 11 p.m. Then she gets up and decides to do homework until four in the morning again. I constantly tiptoe around the room because she's always sleeping and as soon as I go to bed she gets up and makes a ton of noise.”

“I came home from class one day to find my roommate lying spread eagle on the floor, completely naked and singing songs from High School Musical. I thought she was high or drunk, but it was a Tuesday morning and she’d never drank or smoked before. She never told me why she did it.  She just said ‘don't worry about it.’”

“I had a crazy roommate sophomore year that randomly came home with two pet birds. She walked in the front door with little boxes in her hands and said 'I bought birds.' Then, she went to her room. She kept them in fish tanks for about two days before we made her return them. If she asked us before she bought them, it’d be a different story. Who buys birds anyways? What a lame pet.”

Inconsiderate Roommates

"My roommate thought that a good time to bring her new booty call over was noon during finals week. Then they proceed to have the absolute loudest sex for four hours straight, making sure none of the other roommates were able to study or focus.”

“Two of my five roommates decided to throw a tequila party. It was a mess. A bunch of people threw up, at least three glasses got broken. It was just an absolute mess. The worst part was the salt from the tequila shots literally covered the entire floor. It migrated into every room and into the hallway during the following week because the two who threw the party didn't see a need for the apartment to be swept."

“My roommate had another guy over even though she was already in a relationship. We were watching a movie, then they started having sex while I was in the room!”

“My freshman year, I had a roommate that bullied me nonstop and I’d just put up with it to keep things peaceful. I eventually had enough and I let all my anger and frustration out on her. When I got home from my overnight shift the next morning, every single thing of hers was gone. I texted her and asked where she went. Her response was ‘elsewhere.’”

“The most bizarre roommate experience I've ever had was when I lived in a house with some friends who were the biggest potheads. The whole house accumulated this constant cloud of smoke that would get people contact high upon entering it. The craziest part was that my roommates would always have people over to smoke. There were always so many people hanging out on the couch or the kitchen that I gave up trying to learn who everyone was. One day, I had this conversation with my roommates about all of the random people they invited into our home. They looked at me blankly and said they had never invited anyone over. They thought the people coming over to our house were my friends. Turns out, when my roommates went out drinking, they would tell random people our address and to stop by for a joint. Our house became the biggest trap house known to campus, for its reputation as a safe place to smoke, and meet new stoners. Safe to say, we got new locks after that and have not held a stoner meet and greet since.”

Now, don’t you feel lucky that your roommate isn’t that bad? If he or she is, at least you know you’re not alone!

Editor’s Note: For the respect of those who have submitted their confessions, each of their identities have remained anonymous.