Gopher Confessions: Online Dating

In this day and age, everyone has had some experience with online dating. Whether you’re into hook-ups or coffee dates, online dating is an undeniable part of our culture. Her Campus Minnesota was inspired by the film Nobody’s Fool to ask our fellow Gophers all about their online dating experiences.

**some submissions have been edited for clarity

 

“I like to read their bios for the fun of it. One guy said he was from France and who doesn’t love a foreign guy, right?! His first line was ‘Are you African?’ The thoughts running through my head was ‘did you even really look at my profile?’ And I answer ‘Uh no. Why?’ and his response was ‘Because your a-fric-can babe 😉’ I immediately unmatched.” - Lexi M.

 

“I was stood-up by a guy who’s job was ‘traveling chicken salesman’. Still don’t know exactly what that means, but it’s probably for the best that the date didn’t happen” - Anonymous.

 

“I went on a date with this guy, who while driving, very erratically at that, was telling me about all the accidents he had been in. Later on, he told me about all the things he did to get himself suspended from school for a year. At the end of the night, he was asking what I wanted to do when I got out of school. I told him about my plans to be a pediatrician because I want normal working hours. He told me that was good cause I had “housewife duties” to fulfill. He then invited me to go to his friend's hot tub party and get drunk. Needless to say, I blocked him immediately and never spoke to him again.” - Anonymous.

“When I was a freshman, I download Tinder. A few weeks later, I was on the app to pass the time. I swiped right on this guy with a cute dog in his first picture, and we ended up talking! Long story short, that guy and I have now been dating for almost two years, and I’ve gotten to meet the cute dog in his picture several times” - Bailey Q.

 

“So I knew this guy through mutual friends. We had never really talked, but definitely knew of each other and had been in the same social situations. Swiping through Tinder one day, I came across him and decided to super like him (because how can you not super like someone you know). A few days later we hooked up after a party. A few months later we started dating. And a few years later he’s still my boyfriend. Though it may seem rare, apparently you CAN find love on Tinder.” - Anonymous.

“Okay this story is a little embarrassing but it always makes me laugh so I might as well let others laugh with me. A couple weeks after joining Tinder I matched with this lumberjack of a man. His profile was perfect: he had an adorable dog, a beautiful collection of flannels, and a full beard paired with the classic swooped and chopped haircut. I swiped right and we began talking. He seemed super nice, so I decided to invite him to a party. That Friday I drove with a couple of my friends. He said he didn’t have a license (red flag #1) and asked us to pick him up. We picked him up and he climbed into the seat next to me. Based on his physical appearance you would’ve guessed he would have a booming, manly voice but NOPE he sounded like he hadn’t hit puberty. When I got out of the car his hand immediately went to my butt and wouldn’t let go. I mean it really seemed like there was some sort of magnetic attraction between the palm of his hand and my right butt cheek. I kind of laughed it off and decided to just let it slide. We get into the house and the party is in full swing. I was the DD so I didn’t drink at all. He had no inhibitions so he got drunk super fast. At this point, I was sure his hand had fused with my ass since it wouldn’t move from that one spot. Now that he was thoroughly intoxicated he started to pet my hair saying I was the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen and he wanted nothing more than to escape with me and elope (red flag #2). At this point, I was done with him so I went to find my friends on the dance floor. Before I could leave, he wrapped both arms around me and whispered ‘I want to do naughty things with your butt’. This statement mixed with his high-pitched drunken slur sent me into an overdrive of laughter. I politely declined and offered to get him an Uber since it was clear I would not be spending any more time with him. He got all pouty and complained that I was a tease but I really didn’t care. I ended up driving him home 20 minutes after we got to the party just so I didn’t have to listen to him whine anymore. When I pulled into his driveway he asked if he could get a quick booty slap and a nude for the walk home. Again, I politely declined and wished him a good night. He managed to find my Facebook a couple weeks later and sent me several paragraphs about why I was a bad person and he was glad he didn’t sleep with me. At the end of the message, he posted his phone number and told me to hit him up when I felt like being with a real man. I didn’t text him.” - Mackenna H.

Thank you to everyone who shared their story! Check out the trailer for Nobody’s Fool here.