The idea given to girls by society, that to be liked you need to be different, has been present since humankind could think. Little girls told boys that their favorite color was blue because pink is too “girly.” And teen girls in high school were only friends with boys because “girls are too much drama.” Examples like these are harmful because some simple, innocent pleasures like colors and friends are considered wrong. This pushes the idea that has been enforced that being like everyone makes you less than.
A prime example of this is the popular character Bella Swan from the ‘Twilight’ series. Bella is different from her other female school peers because of her distinct blood type, which is extremely attractive in Edward’s eyes (for some reason that I am blanking on). This makes her considered more desirable by the male figures in the series. Also, her clumsy personality and effortless beauty appeal to this, but mostly the blood. Bella is heavily sought over by the love interests because of her striking differences that separate her from the other girls at school. This idea could hint at the reoccurring theme of the “manic pixie dream girl” seen in movies. If you’re unfamiliar, the ‘manic pixie dream girl’ is when the female love interest is an idealized version of a woman, made from a man’s idea of the perfect woman. Bella doesn’t check every box of this stereotype but pushes its ideals. Continuing to include these harmful character traits in largely popular movies will only continue the cycle of this harmful mentality.
Another more recent example can be the rise in a popular fashion trend, hair claw clips. Recently on TikTok I’ve noticed a pattern in girls mocking most of the girls in their class for wearing claw clips. This behavior has been seen before: remember vsco girls? What was so wrong with their fashion or morals? It’s simply hated because it’s liked by the majority and that is not allowed! Claw clips are functional, cute, convenient, and can be very versatile or unique. Those that have been influenced by this “I’m not like other girls” mentality view trends liked by girls and immediately shut it down to uplift themselves. But how can we uplift other women as a society if we are constantly stuck in this cycle of hate, even in small ways like hating popular accessories?
So, why are some people so easily influenced by this hateful mentality? It all comes down to two things: toxic masculinity and struggle with self-identity. Even as kids us women were told what to say, look like, and do for the boys around us. So, this rejection of what makes us “blend in” seems like the perfect way to stick out, not even just to boys, but to ourselves as well. You must admit in one way or another we have all been accustomed to this mentality. I picked up soccer in the sixth grade after dropping dancing because that’s what I thought I wasn’t supposed to like, therefore making me different. And pink was never seen again in my wardrobe after middle school started. At a young age we are all searching for something to grab onto that we can identify with that makes us unique. And when we can’t find it, we opt for the least popular choice to seem different. This need for uniqueness stems from wanting the approval of our peers who have been influenced by the wrong ideals of what a person is.
How can we undo the harm caused? First, ask yourself, do you find yourself doing anything degrading for approval of others that you don’t necessarily see as a real issue? Think back to the claw clips. Do you really hate flared leggings or is that what you think you’re supposed to think of them because that’s how a guy would see them? Next, if you find one of your friends making a negative comment that resembles this mentality, quickly and kindly tell them it’s not that big of a deal and explain why what they said was hurtful. Ending the cycle in small ways can cause a chain reaction and help this negative mentality to stop.
HCXO, Alexa