The Slow Descent In To Madness: Finals Week as Told by The Seven Deadly Sins

Ah, yes, I smell it in the air. The smell of struggle, exasperation, and clinging to the hopes of last second miracles. It’s finals time! I have abandoned all hope, I am running on at LEAST 48 oz of caffeinated beverages a day, and my calculations of time between sleep, travel, school work and homework leaves me with…1 hour of leisure time a day. I’m being serious.

Considering all of this, and my waning resolve to function to any degree higher than staring at study guides, I present to you this masterful creation. The week of finals: as told by the seven deadly sins. Why, may you ask? Because I am filled with evil at this point, and I see no other option that takes as little energy as accepting it. Also because I’m obsessed with the anime and it’s all I can think about this seemed a perfect fit to end off the semester!

Strap in old sport, we’re going on a wild ride through the sins! By the time we emerge, your newfound confidence toward the finals may be displaced hope and acceptance, but I, as the writer, will take what I can get.

1. Gluttony

Oh yes, this may be one of my favorites. Your meal plans are running a little low, that pint of ice cream for a price that makes you do a double take looks great, and you’ve eaten a whole box of mac and cheese without second thought. Welcome to Gluttony, one of your new best friends. Wendy’s 4 for $4 is your mistress, a balanced diet is your betrothed waiting for you at home, and on the side is that dang iced latte that seems to always hit you up at just the right time! That twenty piece chicken nugget will be gone in less than 15 minutes and they STILL didn’t give you enough sauce. They’ll pay for that…what was that about stress eating?

2. Lust

Carpe diem, a lust for life, call it what you will. Oh? You thought I was going to write about some other type of lust? Sorry my brain abandoned all hope for that about 5 weeks ago after midterms came and my priorities took a turn to the toilet. All your phone backgrounds of fictional characters or gorgeous singers/actors/actresses/your partner/that cute classmate that looks at you but never says a word… they’re no longer enough motivation to keep you floating in this last week. The only thing you lust for at this point are the sweet sounds of your face hitting the pillow and your rejection of the world and all it holds and aspires to promote. When that lust for life will return? When that email arrives that financial aid, or your loan, has arrived and a fighting chance has re-invigorated your spirits.

3. Greed

How can a college student be greedy? I am realizing I’m greedy with everything. With my time, with the cost of almond milk in my coffee, with parking a mile away from where I’m used to to save $10 on my bus pass, I will cut all corners to save a buck. If that buck then goes toward that really cute (and overpriced) Sherpa jacket I eye in the mall, so be it. It’s about priorities. The penny pitching of managing your end of semester funds calls for drastic decisions. Hooplah to everyone going out and spending on frivolous things such as food and laundry! You’d rather hoard your money and put it toward the price of books that will leave you crying in the corner in about…6 weeks?

4. Pride

Look at you, all headstrong and determined to finish the semester. So, what if you don’t have the grade you want, if you study just enough you’ll get where you need to be! Tutors? Ha! Tutoring is for the weak! (No, it’s not, I’m hoping my sarcasm meter didn’t break. I implore you, beg of you to use your tutors on campus to help you whenever possible. They’re a wonderful resource that is always underused.) You will just keep trucking on, no matter what, because you know you’re the best dang student you can be and you’ll finish that final and burn rubber off the campus the second you can! Deuces!

5. Envy

Hello envy my old friend, we meet once again. As a commuter, my envy for easy commutes and constant friends to hang around and things to do does leave me quite the Bitter Becky. I don’t even have the good hair right now, or the dedication to keep the joke going. Did that meme die a year ago? I envy those that stay in the social loop. But yeah, envy roots itself deep by finals week in the student body. Towards those that don’t have to pack and haul everything to another state, who have family that are excited for them to return home, to not have to go back to a job they may hardly be able to stand. Envy comes with the brilliant realization that everyone must buckle down for something in school, and acceptance is key to overcoming it.

6. Wrath

I love the seething rage that has been boiling in my system since…maybe half way through the semester, don’t you? The anger at yourself for taking so many courses, not anticipating that you would have 4 papers, a speech, your thesis, and homework waiting to jump you right before finals. The wrath of egregious road rage when someone doesn’t use their blinker, or a detour makes you miss your bus to work or class. All the meditations and coloring books in the world do little to help you at this point. It’s simply best to try and bite down and slam out the rest of the work and semester; until you can take that perfect selfie and #finalsweek is over with the best filter you can find to hide the bags under your eyes and the unsettled rage still lurking.

7. Sloth

Sloth memes, sloth videos, sloths have become the millennial spirit animal. We’re ruining those too…

Anyways! As packed classrooms slowly dwindle down, and you curse every annoying person in the room whose absence cost you hours of worry early on as you sat on the wait list for this required course. Your judgement for outfits to wear to class has easily become a hoodie and pajama pants. Those fuzzy socks that became slippers that you’ve worn for three days? Not coming off. You could go down to get food somewhere, but those last cups of ramen and a Netflix marathon sounds perfect! If sloth is a sin, I wouldn’t want to be anything else but those slow moving, majestic creatures. By finals, who wants to move at any other pace?

Bonus Sin - Sorrow

Oh yes, did we forget sorrow is a sin? It’s not just my state of being? Okay. There’s the sorrow of missing your friends when you head home, the sorrow that your favorite professor may be leaving campus, the sorrow of not having unlimited access to chicken tenders at any waking time you choose, but it’s okay. Sorrow will carry you as you work through break, doing whatever it is you choose to do, until you arrive back on campus bright eyed and bushy tailed, ready to repeat the cycle all over again! You’ll do better this semester, right? (P.S. I know you will do amazing next semester and you’re capable of awesome things!)

So…feeling any better about finals? No? It’s okay, there really wasn’t an objective to get you to feel better about finals week by reading this. But, we’re all in this pit together, so let’s just sin it out until the sun sets on that final day before the classrooms close, okay?

*All images courtesy of Giphy and Netflix