This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Miami (OH) chapter.
Picture this: you’re out with your best guy friend on a typical day. It’s not a thing; you and this guy have been best friends forever – he’s hilarious, he totally gets you, and he never gets sick of listening to your sh*t. You love him like a brother; not one molecule in your body could ever think of being attracted to him. That’s what’s so great about what you guys have; it’s totally platonic…or maybe not so much. Because he’s started to drop hints that he’s into you.
The process starts in steps. He randomly asks if you “wanna get food and then maybe go out after”:
Which would be totally fine, but recently he’s been looking at you differently over the table whenever you go out:
The other day he even told you that you looked nice and actually meant it, and you were just like:
Then it hits you. It doesn’t matter how you realize it (maybe you’re really perceptive, or maybe he was brave enough to eventually tell you his true feelings) but what was already clear to everyone else is finally obvious to you; your best guy friend like likes you.
How do you deal? Sparks have never flown between you two before, but now you can feel an uncomfortable tension. Should you confront it, or ride the wave and let it fade? Even worse, you may begin to question your feelings now that they are clashing with his; you guys have been in sync for this long, so shouldn’t it make sense that you develop feelings for him too? When something this Earth-shattering happens, you’re going to deal with your shock in the “Classic Five Stages”: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.
The Classic Five
Denial:
So he tells you everything he feels, and you’re just like:
But, he was probably just kidding; he’s such a jokester! When was April Fools? He’s never serious anyway. You pat his back casually chuckling, “Haha, good one,” and walk away.
Anger:
As you’re walking away, you suddenly think: ‘How could he say something so crazy?’ Now it starts to feel like your whole friendship was built on his secret ulterior motives. How selfish of him to think that you’d be cool with changing all aspects of your friendship in order to accommodate his feelings! He literally just made everything so complicated for no reason.
Bargaining:
Maybe if you tell him that you’re moving across the country, he’ll stop liking you. You conjure up a million different situations that could lead to changing the way he feels. Could you introduce him to a new best friend? Could you plead to whatever higher power there is to get him to stop liking you if you vow never to drink again?
You’ll do anything if it means escaping this awkward situation.
Depression:
Ugh, nothing is going to be the same again. Everything sucks. Seriously, you can’t figure out how to fix this. You don’t want to hurt his feelings or address it head on, so the only option is to have a pity party. He just put himself out there and all you can do is cry about it. How did you not see it before? Could you have avoided all of this? What a literal mess.
Acceptance:
Okay, your best guy friend likes you. So, there’s that. And it’s cool. You care about him, and you guys have been friends for this long, so you know that you can get through this together and keep your friendship intact. It doesn’t matter your tactic: you could let him know you’re flattered, but that you only think of him as a friend, and accept the semi-awkward next few weeks as he recovers. Or, you could realize that he has the potential to be more than just a friend, and try it out.
Although it is hard knowing that some of the dynamics of your friendship may change, you realize that being fine again will make it worth the effort to get things back to where they were. If anything, take it as a compliment. You already know you’re beautiful in your imperfections, but it takes a special kind of guy to recognize that as well. It might seem like a big mess at first, but having your best guy friend like you, as surprising as it may be, is by no means the end of the world. Let yourself ride through the “Classic Five” and see how you feel at the end of it – who knows, it could bring out a wonderful and unexpected side to your friendship that you never even knew existed!
Whatever happens though, know this: you guys will get back to doing your thing in no time.