When I first listened to Olivia Rodrigo’s new album, “You Seem Pretty Sad For A Girl So In Love,” I personally felt that the recurring theme throughout the entire album was that sometimes, the other person cannot be the solution to the feelings deeply unsettled within you. This can be linked to the song, “The Cure,” where the lyrics
“But my head is full of poison
And my heart is full of doubt
I got toxins in my bloodstream
You tried hard to suck ‘em out”
represents the growing stream of insecurity and self-doubt.
Entering first year of university often feels exactly like that. Even though this feeling of self-doubt and struggle is often discussed, you still feel yourself spiraling to achieve the same status you once had; you feel isolated and alone, heard yet simultaneously ignored.
During high school, it was challenging to balance between multiple subjects while building a strong resume for my future school, but although it was tough, I could often see my hard work being translated into my results. After entering university, I thought I had it all figured out: my study plan, my goals, and my job.
I thought that no matter what came my way, I could face it with enough determination, overcoming it like a final boss in a movie, where the screen fades to “Happily Ever After.” But university was completely different; no matter how much I put into excelling, I often did not see the results I wished for in my progress. What made it even more challenging was the consensus after a big, difficult test: it was just so easy.
I felt like an imposter who didn’t belong.
The term imposter syndrome is often thrown around during university, especially in the beginning of first year, described as “a psychological condition that is categorized by persistent doubt concerning one’s abilities or accomplishments accompanied by the fear of being exposed as a fraud despite evidence of one’s ongoing success,” from the Merriam-Webster dictionary.
I never really thought much of it until it happened to me.
But once it happened, it was all I could think about. Like a stream pushing through the rocks, as water started to seep through and engulfed the entire area. The person who had it all figured out was now overwhelmed by the thought of one more assignment.
This is not to deter you, reader, as every person’s journey is completely different. Everyone struggles in different areas of life, and this was my Achilles’ heel. This article came to fruition when I reflected on my first year of university.
Although there were a lot of downs, there were many positive aspects which made me hopeful and excited, despite the initial stress and ongoing insecurities. I wrote this so that it can reach someone who may be struggling similarly, thinking that they are the only ones who are feeling like they don’t belong.
You are not the only one, and there are many others who experience their time of self-doubt and worry.
So, what did I do to overcome these emotions in the following years? What is The Cure? Unfortunately, these feelings still harbor within me at times, and I believe that is truly just a part of being human.
Still, the best advice I can give myself during times of self-doubt is to talk to someone.
Oftentimes, talking to another person can help me understand that everybody has struggled at some point in their life to get to where they are today. After talking to peers, friends, and family, it releases the pent-up stress I kept within myself and oftentimes, it motivated me to tackle a challenge with greater motivation.
In the article “10 Steps You Can Use To Overcome Imposter Syndrome,” from Imposter Syndrome Institute, Dr. Valerie Young talks about how to overcome imposter syndrome. The first point she talks about is breaking the silence, similar to how I found my release from talking to others and putting a name to the feelings you experience and the impact it has on realizing you are not alone.
References:
https://impostorsyndrome.com/articles/10-steps-overcome-impostor
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/impostor%20syndrome