I’ll never forget the moment I moved in for my first year of university. I was anxious, uncomfortable, and hated everything about it. Missed the deadline to sign up for residence, so I was living off campus in the scary world of Downtown Hamilton. It felt wrong, and I was constantly afraid of missing out. In that moment, I thought to myself, I shouldn’t have signed up for this. And at that moment, I wondered: why does this feel like the worst possible thing? Because it turned out to be one of the best.
From moments like that, I discovered growth often hides behind discomfort, the awkward, nerve-wracking kind. And if we understand that, maybe we’ll stop viewing discomfort as a red flag and start seeing it for what it really is, a sign that we’re evolving.
THE PSYCHOLOGY BEHIND DISCOMFORT AND GROWTH
Psychologists are increasingly recognizing that discomfort isn’t just something to avoid and that it can actually be a pathway to growth. For example, a study found that people who actively try to get comfortable with discomfort (rather than just tolerating it) showed an increased motivation and higher perceived goal achievement in personal development settings (Wolley & Fishbach, 2022). Additionally, research tells us that staying comfortable can limit development. As one article states, “Complacency and comfort can be debilitating. With a comfort zone in place, why move?” (Newman, 2022). This is exactly how I felt first year, when I had to move outside of my comfort zone and do more compared to a student living in residence to find my people. So I started by attending events I never thought I would, joining clubs I never saw myself joining, and texting people a little more than usual in hopes of finding a friend. Then there’s the well-known concept of the growth mindset curated by psychologist Carol S. Dweck, which is the idea that our abilities and intelligence can be developed, rather than being fixed traits (Dweck, 2015). This perspective naturally invites challenges and discomfort because if you believe you can grow and want to grow, you accept that growing often hurts. Overall, these ideas show the core point of discomfort that often shows signs that we are in the process of change, and where change is growth naturally happens.
COMPARING THIS TO MY EXPERIENCE
When I first started to put myself out there, it felt like the worst experience of my life. There were countless trial-and-error friendships, disappointments, rejections, and nights filled with regret. I wished every day that I had ended up in residence instead of Downtown Hamilton. Coming home by 8 p.m. to avoid the unsafe after-hours environment meant missing out on late-night study sessions and spontaneous dorm hangouts with new friends. It was lonely, and I often wondered if I had made a huge mistake.
But somewhere in between all that discomfort, something began to shift. In my first-semester accounting class, I met a friend who instantly made me feel seen. We started texting, planning small hangouts, and suddenly life didn’t feel as heavy. I started sleeping over in her dorm, became friends with her friends, and now I live with them much closer to campus, and it feels like I did not get through that I would not have been able to live such a healing second year, which I am right now. This is all because I began to push myself to go out more, say yes to new experiences, and embrace parts of me I used to hide. People kept telling me that being myself was my biggest strength, so I decided to stop apologizing for it. Moreover, I started finding the positive in my situation. Living alone forced me to get comfortable with solitude, so I began journaling, exploring my neighbourhood, and creating a space that reflected who I was becoming. I surrounded myself with things I love, such as childhood shows that reminded me of simpler times. Slowly, I realized that this version of discomfort, the loneliness, the uncertainty, and the awkward starts was teaching me independence and self-acceptance in a way that comfort never could. Looking back, the growing pains were exactly that: growth. What once felt unbearable became the foundation for confidence, resilience, and a deeper connection to myself.
How To Embrace Discomfort (Without Burning Out)
I’m not going to give you a checklist that says “Do X, Y, Z, and you’ll be okay.” That would contradict the whole point. Instead, here are some reflections:
- Recognize discomfort as a signal, not a failure. When you feel awkward, negative, and like giving up, keep going! It might be your growth engine kicking in.
- Choose one kind of discomfort at a time. Maybe it’s reaching out to a new friend you made, talking to academic advisors, or simply exploring a new place or hobby. Take it one day at a time.
- Pair your discomfort with reflection. After doing something uncomfortable, ask yourself, “How did that make you feel?”, “What did I learn from this?” and “What will I try differently next time?” This aligns with the growth-mindset thinking (Dweck, 2015).
- Share your story, don’t be afraid to talk about discomfort opening, it becomes less shameful and more normal, and celebrate your growth.
conclusion
If you’re feeling uncomfortable right now, great. That doesn’t mean you’re failing. It might mean you’re growing. It means you’re not stuck in a comfy bubble and are living the experiences you will share with others in the future. This is going to make you stronger, braver, and more connected.
So next time you’re staring down an uncomfortable moment, remember: discomfort is often the pathway to growth, and you don’t have to walk through it perfectly; all that matters is if you walk through. And as always, life does get better; it doesn’t have any other choice.
references
Weck, C. S. (2015, September). Carol Dweck revisits the “growth mindset.” Education Week. https://www.edweek.org/leadership/opinion-carol-dweck-revisits-the-growth-mindset/2015/09
Newman, K. (2022, May 3). Embracing discomfort can help you grow. Greater Good Magazine. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/embracing_discomfort_can_help_you_grow
Schraefel, M. C., & Jones, M. (2021, May 9). Discomfort: A new material for interaction design. arXiv. https://arxiv.org/abs/2105.04015
Woolley, K., & Fishbach, A. (2022). Motivating personal growth by seeking discomfort. Psychological Science. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35348014/
Magnus-Sharpe, S. (2022, April 13). Leave your comfort zone to achieve motivation and growth. Cornell University Hub. https://business.cornell.edu/hub/2022/04/13/leave-your-comfort-zone-to-achieve-motivation-and-growth/