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“Situationships” are defined by Urban Dictionary as, “Let’s just chill, have sex, and be confused on the fact that we are not together but have official emotions for each other.” Essentially it’s dating without the official label. Now don’t get me wrong, flings can be really fun, but sometimes they grow into something more and can end up really hurting you. In this article you’re going to hear from the expert herself, the four cues to let you know when to drop your situationship and why it might be for the better.

we might end up together later!

Ah, the dreamy “We might actually end up together.” Everyone in a situationship will think this at some point. Yes, it could happen eventually, but there's no promise of that. If this is going through your head, sit down with the other person and ask them where they think this is going. If they say something along the lines of, “Mm, let’s just enjoy what we have right now!” That is your cue to leave. I know, I know, it’s hard. You’re hopeful it could happen, but the reality is that if he really did care, he would be willing to have that conversation with you. Let’s say then that he doesn’t ignore it though. Great, you have a conversation, but he says something like, “I don’t want a relationship, but I do care for you.” The truth is, he might actually care for you, but you have to care for yourself. If a relationship is what you want, you can't count on them changing their mind. Either they will commit to you now or you’ll just keep seeing each other and when you do end things, it’ll be a lot harder on you. 

you know it's not going anywhere

Okay, so you’ve been together for a few months - hooking up, going out, acting like a couple - but not actually being a couple. It's fun! It’s sexy! But there's that little sting you get in your heart when they say something to remind you that you aren’t dating. You know what that sting is? It’s your heart telling you that you can't handle this situationship any longer. You guys have had the conversation saying that you two are just having this kind of unlabeled relationship. If you’re fine with that, great. If not, you need to reflect on those emotions. How does it make you feel that you can't post this person online? That you can't tell your family about them? If that makes you sad and upset, maybe it’s time to start thinking about leaving the situationship you two have. 

You feel drained

Having to deal with the rules of a situationship for a long time can be exhausting! Asking yourself questions all the time like; “Can I hold their hand in public?” “Can I tell my friends about them?” “How much can I tell people?” “Have we been hanging out too often lately?” “What about us seeing other people?” “How much can we look like a couple out in public?” Having to think like this all the time is extremely tiring. You’re putting all this energy into finding the answers to these questions for a relationship that isn’t even really a relationship, so of course you feel drained. You shouldn’t have to be stressing about this kind of stuff all the time. And if you are asking yourself these questions, it’s probably because the person you’ve been seeing has been making you feel like you need to second guess yourself with these questions. And honestly, that's not fair. They probably are not as burnt out as you are trying to make sure you don’t seem too clingy or that you like them too much. Think about that, they probably don’t care that much. You are not their first priority, even though you made them yours. That's a horrible feeling, but it’s the truth, and you shouldn’t have to feel like that anymore. It’s not good for you, and you need to decide if this is how you want to continue feeling. 

You've caught feelings

Not only have you caught feelings, you may even be in love with them. And that's okay. But it’s not okay for your heart to keep fooling yourself that you can keep going on with this fake relationship. You can go two ways here. Either tell them how you feel and end it, or simply end it. Because hunny, when it gets to the point you are in love with them, it’s time to get hit with some tough love and be reminded that you need to have more self-respect than that. You deserve to be loved and cared for, and you don’t deserve to be in this half relationship with some guy that isn’t going to commit to you! It's cliche, but there really are plenty of fish in the sea. There will always be someone out there that will treat you better, how you want to be treated, and who will be proud to commit to you. And since you’ve gotten to this point of loving them, and it is not reciprocal, then you have to do yourself a favor, and let them go. You deserve more and you are worth more. 

So what next?

Ending a situationship is hard. Healthy or toxic, it still has to be done. Now remember, I’m not telling you to not have flings. But there does come a time where it needs to end, or grow into a relationship. And if the other person isn’t letting on that they want a relationship, and you do, there's no point in carrying on and giving them your time and energy. You are amazing and like I said earlier, you deserve someone who is willing to commit to you and not make you feel stressed, drained, and on edge all the time about your relationship. So, if you know it's not going anywhere, you feel drained, and you’ve caught feelings, it's time to say bye-bye (and maybe dye your hair a new color ;) ) and start focusing on yourself. Put that energy you were giving to the situationship into yourself, new hobbies, school, a job, or whatever else you want! Give yourself some self-care and love. You deserve it. 

Nicole Kolder

McMaster '24

Hey guys my names Nicole Kolder and I am a writer for HerCampus :) I’m going into my third year for social psych and so happy to share my articles with you!
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