I used to hate my laugh. I could never tolerate the sound of it because it always felt out of place amongst everyone else’s laughter.
Even still, I’ve never been able to hold back. In fact, I laugh at pretty much everything, so I used to feel such regret once the momentary dopamine wore off because I feared what others would silently think. I haven’t felt that way in a long time, not since I learned how to love my laugh, but I didn’t learn to on my own. Truth be told, I didn’t even realize I stopped feeling embarrassment from laughing until one of my friends mentioned how much she loves my laugh, and my inner self didn’t cringe for once. In that moment, I felt so understood and loved that I realized just how much I was depriving myself of the little milestones in life—the baby steps and small accomplishments I overlooked every day. I was missing out on it all.
Growing up, many of us are fortunate enough to worry about the “big things” in life, such as what career we’re going to pursue or which friend group we belong to, but we allow ourselves to become consumed by these decisions. It is human nature to hesitate, to be uncertain of a choice because of how important it will be to our future selves. That being said, fear and panic go hand in hand with hesitation and uncertainty. We begin to overthink and over-stress, constantly imagining what we could have found with the other path we left behind. In my senior year of high school, I thought I figured out exactly what I wanted as my career, but really, I was just scared. I played it safe; I let others influence my decision because I didn’t want to fail. I put my trust in the people I love the most, listening to their promises of a successful future if I ignored my heart and went with the easiest option.
I soon realized that I made a mistake, but I changed my mind when it was too late, and I became hyper fixated on my regretful decision. I allowed myself to focus on the bigger picture, unable to see the value of my small accomplishments and in the people with whom I achieved them. Friends and family are important, everyone knows that, but we tend to only consider their support during our big life events, when those aren’t the only moments we share with them. It’s been two years since I chose to be a Marauder, and I still can’t completely let go of my regret, but uncovering the milestones I’ve reached along the way truly eases that burden. Part of me will always wonder what could have been, and yet I don’t worry about the past as much anymore. I realized that the little things add up, especially when they mean navigating through life with the people that mean the most to me and making our collective dreams come true.
We’re all living life for the first time. We may think we’ve matured and experienced everything this world has to offer, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. As children, many of our milestones were celebrated by our parents, such as our first steps or losing our first tooth. As we grow older, our milestones shift from physical to philosophical, such as overcoming our greatest fears or learning to be proud of ourselves. Near the end of our lives, our milestones make one more shift from philosophical to memorable as we reflect on all the baby steps we took with all the different people we cherish. A friend is someone who wishes to see you succeed and feel fulfilled with the decisions you have made.
We all need our friends, not just for their support but for the collective sense of fulfillment from achieving our individual and group goals together.
I’ve been an avid reader since I was 5 years old—reading and writing were as easy as breathing for me. I knew I always wanted to do some form of writing when I got older, but I pushed my passion aside because I prioritized the skills that would secure my future. I applied for HER Campus after much persistence from my girls, still not fully believing that I would gain much from this hobby, and now I stand corrected. It’s a small aspect of my life, spending a few hours a week writing about my thoughts and opinions, but the sense of fulfillment from publishing these articles has been more enlightening than I originally thought. It was a small step, but a step forward nonetheless and I give full credit to my four girls who are so proud of me no matter what. I was hesitant and unconvinced, but they forced me into reaching this milestone and for that, I’ll always be grateful to them.
Some people say that you never know how far you are willing to go to survive until you are faced with death. I’d argue the same goes for decision-making: you don’t know how much a choice will heal and shape you until you’re forced to make it. Even then, we care more about the main idea rather than all the blessings that stemmed from it. Had I not gone to McMaster, I would have never met my closest friends. I wouldn’t have stayed up all night studying with them the night before an exam. I wouldn’t have fallen asleep on the bus with them. I wouldn’t have eaten so much with them that we could barely sit up straight. I wouldn’t have run through campus late at night trying to get home before our parents scolded us. I wouldn’t have found my favourite study spots or learned to be grateful for the few minutes I get to see them in a day. I wouldn’t have understood how happy it makes me to see them succeed, and these are all tiny moments that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.
These are the tiny moments that I took for granted because I was too busy wallowing in self-pity when my happiness was all around me.
I’m grateful to be achieving new goals and making core memories with my friends, but I’m also grateful for the harsh realities we’re learning along the way. Peace of mind is difficult to come by when you’re in academic survival mode, and you can’t help but wonder if you made the right decisions leading up to the present, but these feelings of doubt don’t undermine the precious memories you’ve made as a result of what you believed might have been a bad choice. The whole point of life is to learn—everything happens for a reason, even if it may not be clear to us just yet. Perhaps the people around you can see it, so trust in them and know that even when they hurt you, there is a lesson to be learned that will shape both you and your loved ones in a way that you’ll be forever grateful for.
I love watching my friends and family achieve their biggest dreams as their pride is an extension of my own. Everyone feels regret at some point—we are only humans after all, and we are not perfect creatures with the answer to every problem. Nobody knows the future, so take the risk and let yourself enjoy all the milestones you get to make, both the good and the bad. We only live once. You can’t go back in time, but you can make the most of the path you have chosen. You were drawn to this path for a reason, even if it was on a whim. You made these significant life decisions because part of you felt that it was right. Even if you were forced to decide, you will find happiness at some point, but not if you don’t appreciate what is right in front of you.
People come and go, and the same goes for decisions, so let go of your regret and uncertainty and bask in those baby steps with the people who aren’t afraid to take them with you.