It’s funny how one person can break you. The heart is a fickle thing, but it also gets so attached that when that connection is severed the pain can echo through all areas of your life. The last time my heart was broken wasn’t the first time, but it was the straw that broke the camel’s back after several botched relationships. I was left feeling paranoid, worthless and shattered. I was terrified of silence. I was afraid that someone reading my texts but not responding immediately meant they were punishing me or about to leave me.
The internet is full of strong women and speeches about how we don’t need a man to be happy. Feminism teaches us that we can do anything a man can do—so if a man could be single so could I. Even though I believed in that idea, heartbreak was the blindfold that shielded me from the true power of that message at a time I needed it badly.
It took me some time, but eventually I found some messages that got through. I didn’t get stronger through revenge. Moving on was the only choice I had. So, I cried a lot and wrote several letters I never sent. I was bitter and occasionally mean, but I ultimately learned a few lessons when I finally stepped out of the castle of self pity I had been living in.
I learned it was okay not to be okay. I didn’t have to immediately recover. Losing someone in any capacity hurts. I also learned that my self-worth was never defined by another human being. I had become used to being “his girl” and forgot that the only person I belonged to was me. I had my own ambitions and my own voice that I needed to express. I had been basing my worth on titles and who liked me. I tried so hard to be “not like those other girls.” I gave too many second chances. Several guys I had been with had tried to dim the light of my creativity by telling me not to dye my hair or get certain piercings. No one who really loved me or cared about me should want me any other way than how I truly am and how I express myself.
Funny thing is I learned the most important lesson directly from people who hurt me.Heartbreak is never going to be easy for anyone, and it is okay to be upset. It’s okay to not always be okay. The important part is to remember to pick yourself up afterwards. Self love and self respect are the keys to putting yourself back together, and they are invaluable traits to have. It’s better to be alone than to be with the wrong person.