From the moment socialization begins, women are taught to compete with one another. We are taught that someone else’s beauty is the lack of our own (ie; there’s always someone prettier or thinner, so you should probably put on a bit of makeup and feel guilty about that chocolate bar). We see other women as our competition in seeking the attention of desired sexual partners (ahem, The Bachelor). We are taught that another woman’s success is our loss, because there simply isn’t enough room for multiple women in leadership roles and positions of power.
And quite often, we don’t question it. That is, until, we see a female friendship so enigmatic and exemplary that even as consumers of popular culture who feed off of Hollywood’s feuds, fights, and animosity, we stop to admire. Such a duo was seen at the 73rd Golden Globe Awards, in the likes of Amy Schumer and Jennifer Lawrence. One half of the pair is comprised of the no-bullshit and fabulous lead of the film Joy, and the other is the hilarious writer and star of the quasi-autobiographical Trainwreck. Vying for the same Golden Globe, the duo remained supportive of one another, joking about their plans to wear matching dresses to the award show, sitting at the same table, and eventually taking to the stage to present an award while managing to simultaneously steal the show and have the crowd doubled over in laughter. Images, tweets, and GIFs of the pair proliferated online instantly, often coupled with the hashtag #womensupportingwomen. The reason for which Lawrence and Schumer’s friendship garnered so much attention is because rarely is such a dynamic seen. Every day women are often pitted up against each other for things a lot less monumental than a Golden Globe, and the results are often more malicious and spiteful. Their friendship is something to emulate. Female friendships are indispensable, irreplaceable, and a major key to achieving gender equality.
Schumer and Lawrence presenting at the Golden Globes
The competition complex must be unlearnt. The perception of other women as a threat or as competition hinders the progress of women in achieving gender equality. In addition to it being the result of internalized misogyny, it prevents women from helping each other, fuels hatred, and sparks a vicious cycle that ultimately gets women nowhere. Negative attitudes towards other women, in the form of “slut-shaming,” for example, the practice of criticizing women’s real or imagined sexual activity, often based on how they’re dressed, perpetuates the patriarchal and archaic notion that women should be ashamed of their sexuality. Respecting other women and their choices, building up other women rather than tearing them down, and embracing a sisterhood get women a whole lot further than cattiness.
Positive change can start with the way you approach your own female friendships. Professor at Purdue University and intersectional feminist writer, Roxane Gay, outlines a few of her rules for female friendship in her 2014 book, Bad Feminist:
1. Abandon the cultural myth that all female friendships must be bitchy, toxic or competitive. This myth is like heels and purses–pretty but designed to SLOW women down.
1A. This is not to say women aren’t bitches or toxic or competitive sometimes but rather to say that these are not defining characteristics of female friendship, especially as you get older.
1B. If you find that you are feeling bitchy, toxic or competitive toward the women who are supposed to be your closest friends, look at why and figure out how to fix it and/or find someone who can help you fix it.
2. A lot of ink is given over to mythologizing female friendships as curious, fragile relationships that are always intensely fraught. Stop reading writing that encourages this mythology.
3. If you are the kind of woman who says, “I’m mostly friends with guys,” and act like you’re proud of that, like that makes you closer to being a man or something and less of a woman as if being a woman is a bad thing, see Item 1B. It’s okay if most of your friends are guys, but if you champion this as a commentary on the nature of female friendships, well, soul search a little.
3A. If you feel like it’s hard to be friends with women, consider that maybe women aren’t the problem. Maybe it’s just you.(Women’s News).
The proclivity to view other women, whether they are your friend or not, as a threat and the tendency to view male friendships as more valid, secure, or worthy must be done away with.
All this is not to say that women supporting other women will achieve total gender equality. Though the wage gap is closing due to public discourse, representation in high-power jobs and leadership roles is still not there yet, especially for women of color who are “virtually invisible” during hiring of leadership positions despite qualifications (Fortune). The few available posts for women cause fierce competition and lead to women who are already in power to be less inclined to assist other women earn success and climb the corporate ladder (Forbes). Though change needs to be made at an organizational level, women working together will make the job a whole lot easier.
GIF: http://giphy.com/gifs/jennifer-lawrence-amy-schumer-golden-globes-2016-3…
Image: @FabulousFeminist on Instagram