An Open Letter to the Friend I Miss,
For so many years you were the one I went to for everything. You were there for my happiest and saddest moments. You were the first person I wanted to tell something to and the last person I wanted to upset. You helped me discover who I am and stayed with me through all my hormonal years. You shaped me into who I am today and I can’t thank you enough for that and I just want you to know that I miss you.
College changes people and I think it changed both of us. We had a deal when we split up for school that we would talk 24/7 and face time as much as we could. When we went to school, that’s exactly what we did. But, the texts dwindled, the facetimes ceased to exist and our friendship was at a breaking point. We both got distracted by new friends and new boys until the amount of texts we received and sent was almost non-existent and face times were a thing of the past.
I expected everything to be the same when we got back from school, but it wasn’t. We had gone so long without each other that we forgot what it was like to actually be together. We spent time filling each other in on all our college drama, but then I realized we didn’t have that much more to talk about. We were always finding ways to bring our schools and school friends up to each other. It was easy to tell that our happy place was no longer at each other’s side but at college instead.
I guess you can say we figuratively broke up, because that’s what it felt like to me. I was heartbroken but like all breakups, I learned to move on. You had been there through every douche bag guy and every heartbreaking goodbye I said to them. You were my 1 a.m. sheetz run, the shoulder I cried on at 2 a.m. and my mom at 3 a.m.
I miss being stupid together and I miss having someone to annoy at all hours of the night. I miss our crazy late night adventures. I miss having someone to tell all of my problems too. You would listen to me no matter how stupid you thought I was being and I would listen to you no matter how little I cared.
There are days when I find myself wanting to text someone to tell them about my classes or my love life. I’ll scroll through my phone looking at names and almost every time I stop at yours and debate sending an “I’m sorry” text, but I don’t. I don’t because my pride is so much stronger than my feelings, and if anyone knows that it is you. In that sense, we are the same. Neither of us will ever get up the courage to say sorry for all the things we’ve done wrong.
I’m not sure if we’re happier when we are friends or when we aren’t. I’m not sure if you miss me. I’m not sure if you even really care that we aren’t friends anymore. I just want you to know that I hope you’re still out there chasing your dreams and I wish you the very best in all you do.
An old friend