One of the worst feelings one could have is getting that text from that special someone asking to talk knowing the relationship is over. Breakups can be messy and complicated and often can make you do things you normally wouldn’t do. As someone who has gone through a good amount of breakups in my past here are 8 tips I wish I knew when going through my hard breakups.
Photo by Pxhere
1. Let yourself grieve
It is important to let the tears fall and cry it out for as long as you need it. By throwing the emotions out the window you are putting yourself in danger of not fully getting over the breakup. Allow yourself to feel all of the emotions whether that is anger, regret, sadness, confusion, or even in some cases relief. Don’t be ashamed to lie in your bed for a few days or take a break from being around everyone. The most important thing to do when going through a breakup is giving yourself enough time to care about yourself and not anyone else.
2. Don’t compare or time it
People handle breakups differently. One person can spend a week or two crying about it and then pick themselves back up while others spend months or even a year grieving over their breakup. It really depends on the person and how ready you were to end the relationship. Do not feel strange about handling your breakup differently than someone else. Most importantly do not feel like you need to be over it by a certain point. In all honesty, the person you had the breakup with will always be someone special to you and a part of your past. None of that magically disappears. The amount of racing thoughts or urges to know what they are doing will eventually slow down and stop. There is no ticking clock on a breakup.
Photo by Adam Kuśmierz on Flickr
3. Staying in contact can be helpful in a healthy breakup
If it was a healthy breakup don’t be afraid to reach out and check in on them. I’m not saying go crazy and text them every day. Just occasionally text or call them and ask how they are, what have they been up to, or how their day is going. Keeping it a surface level conversation will hurt in the beginning but help in the long run. I am a firm believer that relationships are just like friendships. Sometimes things happen and you start to fade out but it does not mean the relationship is done forever, or that you will never see him/her again. You need to trust the process of where your life takes you.
4. Do not stay in contact if it was an unhealthy breakup
If it was an unhealthy relationship do not reach out right away. Whether you hurt them or they hurt you, space is a good option for this situation. It is a time for both of you to grow, and really reflect on what made the relationship the way it did and change those habits for future relationships. You want to make sure you know yourself and what you want in a relationship and person before jumping back into another one. If you don’t give yourself the time to understand what happened in your past you will repeatedly make the same mistakes in your future.
Photo by Wonderlane on Flickr
5. Don’t hook up with someone new to only make them jealous
If you think that hooking up with other people will make him come crawling back to you think again. It will only hurt you more if you do it to make them jealous. Do it when you are ready and confident that your significant other is not the only reason you are doing it.
6. Do not control your significant other
If your significant other wants to go off and hook up with a bunch of people then so be it. People handle their breakups differently whether it is healthy or not it is not your job to control how they are going to handle it. It will cause conflict and hurt you more if you follow what they are doing every second of the day. If you hear that they found a new person or they want to meet other people then take a step back and create boundaries. Tell your friends to not tell you what he is up to if it is going to hurt you.
7. Don’t close the door on all relationships
Right when you come off from a breakup you are most likely, depending on the situation, not going to want to date someone else right away. It is totally normal to feel that way. However, relationships work in the strangest of ways. They can happen unexpectedly and it is important to not close the door on anything or anyone. The ability to connect with different people and form close intimate relationships is so special and should not be thrown out the window after one or many lousy breakups. You deserve someone who is going to make you feel like a queen. Don’t just cut that off because you are scared to love or get hurt again. It is a common fear but once you conquer it you will be more than happy with the new relationship/ experience.
8. Evaluate where you are in your life right now and see what you really need
In my own experience, I was not in the right place to be dating someone. When our relationship ended, I didn’t realize how much of a mess I was. There were so many other things going on in my life that I didn’t even pay attention to until I had the time to sit and figure out what was making me so anxious and stressed. Make sure to put yourself first and understand what you need in your life.
Photo by Sarah Epstein
Coming off a breakup is honestly one of the worst pains one can experience. You lose someone who was valuable in your life and sometimes it is just out of your control. Everyone goes through it at one point or another in their lifetime and it is important to put yourself first. Breakups are never easy and you must give yourself time to grieve and bounce back. There is no rush to be completely over your significant other. It is all based on who you are. Just remember that you are not alone and it does get easier, you just have to give it some time.