This summer, I was given the opportunity to do summer research at Manhattan University! Not only was I getting paid to research something I was passionate about, but I was also able to stay in New York City. Awesome, isn’t it? If only it were that simple. I’m here to share both my professional and personal experiences. A summer that started as the worst turned into one I didn’t want to move on from.
This past Spring semester, I was taking Religion and Social Justice with Professor Kevin Ahern to complete my last religion requirement, and doing work outside of this class was not something I anticipated doing. I was introduced to religious and political activist Dorothy Day for the first time. While sometimes I zoned in and out of class, I became focused on this one topic. Reading her biography, “The Long Loneliness,” made me feel something, a connection with Day. This woman, on the edge of sainthood, was not so different than me. Love affairs and tragic ‘sinning’ proved she was human. Throughout her life experiences, she was able to mix up the recipe for change. I was able to dive in and analyze her theory for change and apply that to the world today for my research.
Coming back to New York after three weeks at home in Atlanta was hard. I lived in Jasper Hall in June, and with each passing week, I felt more depressed. The halls were empty, and most of my friends were out of state. I began to feel as if I was wasting my summer. “I could be out with my friends right now,” I thought to myself as I sat in my half-empty dorm room on a Friday night. Not to mention, anxiety was starting to eat me alive because of how nervous I was to start working at a local summer camp. The only things holding me together were my weekly calls with my best friend and weekends with my boyfriend and our kitten Venom. I was so close to booking a flight home.
Dorothy Day spoke a lot about pilgrimage. She co-founded the Catholic Worker Newspaper, where she had her own section titled “On Pilgrimage.” Pilgrimage could be physical. From that logic, I’ve been on pilgrimage for a couple of years now, and it has not been easy. Leaving for college didn’t mean leaving my old life behind; it was building on the one I already had. Unfortunately, because of the locational barriers, it can feel like two. Pilgrimage is not easy, but it’s necessary. Even as I begin to settle more into this city and the less I go home, my pilgrimage is never done. Day’s ideology inspired me to hold on a little longer because no matter how scared you are, you cannot outrun the monsters; you just have to tackle them head-on.
When I’m older, I want to go into law and help people. I have a responsibility to my community and humans. To do that, I have to help myself first and provide myself with the resources and time to succeed. I almost cut myself short until I began to be driven by that inner calling. I moved in with my boyfriend, which gave me a sense of home rather than feeling imprisoned in a dorm. I went to work and made friends. I built deeper connections with the friends I don’t see so often. I called my friends back home weekly and was able to forget I was so far away. Finally, I got to see Venom being a happy little cat. It reminded me of how happy I deserve to be, too.
After shredded tears and falling behind work, this research became something I am incredibly proud of, both professionally and personally. It was a marker of the struggles I went through and the memories I’ve made. It gave me a sense of responsibility, drive, and potential. Coming home after two months of being away was much more rewarding because I worked for it.