So, you just started dating this person, and they are everything you’ve ever dreamt of. They have light brown hair, hazel eyes and a great smile, but you can’t help noticing the weird things they do. You’re hanging out with your friends and this person is constantly texting you, getting mad when you don’t answer and accusing you of cheating. You get upset and frustrated because you are just trying to enjoy your outing. The person you’re dating then explains they are just jealous because they “love you”. You later post a couple selfies in the club and your significant other blows up your phone in the morning reprimanding you because you didn’t tell them where you were going, then they call you some pretty hurtful names. You apologize and say it will never happen again. You come to notice after time that this cycle happens again, and again, and again. You feel like you’re constantly messing up and your relationship consists of more fights rather than good times together. Your relationship starts to feel draining. You sit down with your friends and they tell you this relationship is toxic but then denial starts to kick in, and you’re stuck.
If you’ve already read this far, you’re probably cringing from how unappealing this relationship sounds. With gender aside, situations like this can happen to those who least expect it. Basically, it can happen to anyone. Sometimes people will make you believe you’re so in love that your mind refuses to see the elephant in the room.
It is never okay to constantly fight with your partner. If everything that person does bothers you, then save the aggravation and don’t date. It is also important to note that when you’re dating someone, you both should still have your personal freedom. You don’t have ownership of your partner and if they want to go get a couple drinks with their friends, then so be it! Express trust and let them have a good time. The only time to question trust is if there is actual evidence proving one of being untrustworthy.
Another red flag is if that person is shutting you down when you’re talking about your passions. I swear there is no worse feeling than that. Be with someone who is supportive of what you dream- there is no better feeling. Another red flag is someone claiming they would never hit you, but they bruise you from squeezing you when you fight or pushing you away. Physical aggression is never okay and if it happens to you, you should always tell someone close to you. This can be a friend, a parent, even a teacher if you feel close enough to them. If someone is making you feel distraught in an unhealthy way, cursing at you, having constant ultimatums, please find a way to get out.
Being in love is something that should be special. You should equally want to help each other grow, and let each other have freedom but be able to reconvene at the end of the day. Love should be mutual and understanding. It is okay to have aggressions, but you need to work them out in a healthy way. You can’t force love- love should be natural, happy and healthy. If it’s not working out, there are plenty of people in this world. Find someone who fits what you deserve. Find someone who wants to travel with you, spend time with you, with your friends and with your family. Find someone who helps you grow and makes you smile from the moment you wake up to the moment you shut your eyes. Know your worth because life is too short to not.