By Kerry Sullivan
We have been stuck together for nineteen and a half years. I’m sorry that for so many of them I’ve hated you.
I’m sorry for the times I’ve stared at the other girl's bodies and then at you, wishing that you could look just like them. For the times that I’ve stood on a scale and cursed you for not showing me the number I wanted. For wanting to look different, feel different, be different. For looking at the stretch marks and scars and callouses and wishing that they would all go away. For crying over the things that only I could see.
I think that too many times I forget exactly what you do for me. You are strong; you show me that every day when you ache after practice and lift and workouts. You carry me around on my worst days, never once complaining when my brain is too exhausted to tell you what to do. Day after day you remind me that I can keep going, even if I feel like I can’t. You have never once failed me, not once in all the time we’ve been together. And yet I still complain that you’re not enough.
I promise I am trying. I’m trying to accept the compliments people give me. I’m trying so hard to not get upset when the body I see in the mirror is not the same body I saw ten minutes ago on Instagram. I am learning to love you for what you give me and to work on being in a healthier relationship with you. I won’t listen to the voices in the back of my mind that compare you to supermodels, fitness experts, and so many more bodies that aren’t you. You are perfect just the way you are. I’m learning to understand that now.
The bottom line is, I am determined to love and care for you the way you deserve, and the way that you love and care for me in return. I’m getting there, I promise.