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Sex + Relationships

This Is a Sign for You to Not Pick Up the Phone

Your future self will thank you.  

I know it’s easier said than done. You want to understand how your ex is living their life now without you in it. You want to see if they got that dream job already or if they found that special someone. Stop blaming yourself because I’m here to tell you: this is completely normal.   

Often, you may find yourself wondering about all these things and questioning if you should just take a quick look at their social media profile. It wouldn’t hurt anybody, right? But before you do that, I’m here to make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons, whatever that may be.   

Look around yourself. Take a deep breath and think about how your life is now vs. how it was when that person was in your life. I’m sure you have changed a lot, accomplished many things (even if they are small successes), and you’ve come a long way so far. So, is this curiosity or just… boredom? Because allow me to say this, when we often choose to snoop into our ex’s profiles, it’s pure boredom and nothing else. Don’t mix up the signals.   

It may have been a long time since you two parted ways, and for that, why are you doing this at this particular moment? Every relationship is either set to succeed working out or succeeds in teaching us a lesson. If it’s over, there is a reason behind it. Because if it wasn’t, you two would still be together.   

At this point, what we should focus on is becoming flexible thinkers. Have you ever heard that everything can be looked at from another perspective? Well, this is your chance. You’re still not in love with them. You don’t want them back in your life. You don’t want to go back to the person you were before. You’re just bored.   

Think about it: if you’re curious about their life and think it could impact you somehow positively, I’m pretty sure they’d still be around somehow. Either as your friend or just as acquaintances. But if you’re just going down the pathway to see if their life is nicer now, according to their social media, this is your sign of stopping right there.   

I’m not saying to prohibit yourself from killing your curiosity from time to time about someone that had a leading role in your life in the past, yet to think about your intentions behind it. Because everything we put our intention on has incredible power over us and how we manifest what we want. If we keep living in the past, based on things that have already happened and aren’t part of who we are today, how will we achieve all that we want?   

The secret ingredient to manifest what we dream of in life is self-worth. Knowing your worth is not only about the type of partner you deserve if that is even a thing. It’s more about recognizing how far you’ve come in life and seeing your development as a journey. Understanding that something will come to your life when they are supposed to because you deserve everything that you find in your way. Truly.   

In other words, reprogram your intention behind picking up your phone to take a “look” into your ex’s “new self.” If you don’t find yourself in the place yet of feeling happy for them to live their lives and seek their own dreams, don’t do it. You’ll only attract that bad vibe back to your life, and this is completely avoidable.   

Here are some ways that can help you create a mindset around why picking up your phone is not the best choice.  

You Wouldn’t Want Them to Be Snooping Around Your Life Either  

Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Would you really want your ex to know how your life is now? Your new friends, your new apartment, your new job, your new dreams. Would you like to share that with someone that no longer cares enough about you to share such essential aspects of your life? Take a step back and respect their space as well.   

This Action Will Likely Have Consequences… For Yourself  

When snooping around your ex’s social media profiles, you must be prepared to find things that you might not really want to know or see. Do you know that saying “Out of sight, out of mind”? Well, this is clearly it. If just the idea of seeing something that can be hurtful to you already breaks your heart a little bit, don’t do it. You know you’ll be sad, and then you’ll project that feeling into other things in your life, and look how far you’ve come since that breakup! These things can defocus from what really matters in your life right now.   

Don’t Ask Your Friends If You Should Do It   

Sometimes, all we need is a little push from someone we love and who loves us back to make that final decision. But the thing is that this should come from you. Remember self-worthiness and its importance to manifest anything in your life? No one else can do that for you or give you that feeling of self-worth. It must come from inside, your deeper self. Only you’ll be able to make the decision if this is really the way or not.   

Don’t Get Caught Up in the Past   

Everything from the outside doesn’t seem so bad. Especially if you have distanced yourself from the situation. Doing this is a good thing to see the relationship from another perspective, but don’t forget what made the relationship not work. Instead, see the lesson behind it and the opportunities that the situation shows you. It’s not too late to realize that you both are better off without each other, and that’s okay.   

The whole purpose behind not picking up your phone and either dialing their number, texting or taking a quick look at their social media is to set boundaries with yourself. While it’s important to set boundaries with others, doing it with yourself should definitely be a priority. Things that you wouldn’t admit yourself doing based on past experiences. What is it that can be avoided and is entirely under your control?  

“Setting boundaries with yourself can be just as hard, if not harder, than setting boundaries with other people. You are the only checkpoint! Without a clear commitment to our ‘why,’ it’s all too easy to tell ourselves, ‘Eh, I’ll be better tomorrow.’ Tomorrow comes, we forget the boundary, and we let it slide another day.”

—Amanda Huggins, Anxiety Coach for Poosh

Before making yourself experience that again, think about whether this will add to your life. If it’s not, shift your attention to something else. Go eat something you love, read that book that’s been on your nightstand for months, watch a new show. You might surprise yourself with how a unique experience can come out of this situation.   

So, do a favor to your future self and quit snooping. It’s not going to feed anything inside you, and a better opportunity may just be around the corner waiting for you to make that decision, so the Universe knows you are ready for it.   

Giuliana is a Contributing National Writer for Her Campus, and the former Editor-In-Chief and President of Her Campus at Lynn. She recently graduated from Lynn University, with a BS in Marketing, Fashion & Retail and International Business Management. Among a lot of passions, Giuliana shows a high interest in the Publishing and the Marketing Industry. She is the author of the latest book "Brand You: How to Achieve Success through Personal Branding," which was published in May 2021. The book provides a new perspective on personal branding and personal marketing. One of her biggest dreams is to continue growing her own brand and help other people achieve success through their uniqueness. Giuliana is also a sister of Sigma Sigma Sigma sorority, and member of Golden Key International Honour Society and Sigma Beta Delta International Honor Society for Business, Management and Administration.