When I told my friends and family that my boyfriend and I would be doing long distance this semester, I saw the same facial expression. There was a concerned furrow of the eyebrows, a sad look in the eyes, and a bit of a frown. Every time I saw that face I would think the same thing: “Can I really do this?”
Long-distance relationships are something that many of us face when we head to college. Whether you and your significant other go to different universities, or are just going abroad for a semester, distance can feel daunting to us all. Despite our doubts, we all have the power to say “Hey! We can do this!”
I have realized over the course of the past couple months that although long distance is hard work, it really is worth it. If you and your partner work as a team, you can come out of your time apart closer than ever. For me, distance has made me realize how much I care about my boyfriend, and that encourages me to work through my worries and put in the effort! Though there is no exact formula for success, here are a few tips on how to take on distance with your partner:
- Be patient with yourself.
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It takes time to get good at things–and to get used to change–and this is no exception. During the first two weeks apart from my boyfriend, I felt like I immediately had to be a pro at long distance so that I didn’t mess anything up. I now know that is not realistic, and I have been working on being patient with myself. It’s normal to miss your partner, to doubt yourself, and to have fears.
Now, two months in, I feel more confident, and that confidence continues to grow as I get more practice. Allow yourself to feel your true feelings! Sometimes I get frustrated with myself when I feel anxious or upset, but this is another part of being patient. Allowing yourself to feel your emotions helps you to resolve them, because you can then confront why you feel that way and what needs to change. It can only help you and your partner in the long run.
- Communicate honestly.
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Just like you should allow yourself to feel your true feelings, you should also have the ability to honestly share any concerns you may have. If something isn’t going right, you should feel comfortable telling your partner that. Because, hey, isn’t that one of the best ways to fix things? No problem will get better on its own; to improve things you have to tell your partner what you need. And this goes both ways. You also have to be receptive to your partner’s concerns. At the end of the day, communication and honesty are part of the teamwork that makes long-distance successful.
- Make a schedule.
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We all know that college gets extremely busy with classes and extracurriculars. If, on top of that, you and your partner are juggling a time difference, it helps to make a schedule of each other’s activities, as well as when you plan to talk on the phone that week. My boyfriend and I put each other’s class schedules into our calendars–it allows us to plan our days more effectively.
Aside from making a schedule of each other’s activities, pick a day when you both have free time and arrange a “phone date” so you can catch up on the week’s events! Phone dates are definitely a bright spot in my week, and it gives me something to look forward to.
- Share your “high” of each day.
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Even if you can’t talk on the phone with your significant other every day, it’s super easy to shoot each other a text before bed. Share the best part of your day with them. It doesn’t have to be anything big! Maybe you got an A on a quiz, or someone held the elevator open for you, or you ate your favorite food (In my case, pasta!!!). Even small pieces of information help you and your partner stay connected and up to date on each other’s lives. I especially love doing this because it allows me to reminisce about all of the good things that happened that day. It makes me feel grateful!
- Trust each other.
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I know, this one seems like a no-brainer. But trusting your partner, despite the miles in between, is easier said than done. It is very easy to come up with things to worry about, which makes your time apart harder. Instead of focusing on your worries, write down three reasons for why you can trust your partner. The next time you feel apprehensive, you can go back and look at your reasons, or even add to your list! Doing this reminds me why I don’t have to be concerned. It is liberating to let go of our worries, and encouraging ourselves to trust our partner helps relationships flourish!
- Think about things going right.
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One day, while I was worrying about whether or not I could handle long-distance, my mom said to me, “Instead of focusing on all the little things that could go wrong, think about every way it could go right.” This was eye-opening to me, because so often we dwell on the possibility of failure or disappointment. However, simply taking a step back to remind yourself that you can succeed is very powerful.
Our experiences in life are shaped by our mindset, and a positive mindset prepares you to take on challenges–such as a long-distance relationship–with bravery. So, every time you think “What if we break up?” take a second to consider, “What if we come out on the other side stronger than ever?”