What 2020 (hopefully) has in Store for Me

I’m never one to come up with an attainable New Year’s resolution. By that, I mean I’ve always picked a resolution that didn’t necessarily apply to my life. It didn’t apply to what I ​needed​ at that moment; it applied to the dream-like lifestyle I aspired to have. I wanted to be skinny like the models I saw in Vogue, so one year I decided my New Year’s resolution was to have a body like Gigi Hadid. (I laugh at that now, realizing how that sounds). Years of my life were filled with these resolutions that looked good on paper but weren’t applicable to me. They didn’t feel very... ​Ava.

I started to lose interest in New Year’s resolutions, and dreaded when people would ask me if I had any, and what mine were. I dreaded telling them that I didn’t have any, because it made me feel so lazy. Lazy for not choosing a goal for the year and spending that year grinding for it. But the truth is... I always felt so disheartened by resolutions if I didn’t meet them by the end of the year. The fear of failure has always driven my decisions.

Towards the end of 2019, Indy Blue, a passionate social media content creator, released her famous “end of year video.” Every year, she compiles a video of the moments she’s loved. And the one she released for 2019 tugged on the heartstrings, big time. Look up “Indy Blue” on Youtube to find her video titled “2019 - the year that changed everything” to understand the emotion I feel as I write this.

Past videos showing her favorite memories throughout the years have been almost... perfect. The aesthetic, the adventures, the friends, the laughs and smiles. Every memory is one she has loved. What is so different and exciting about her 2019 video is that it shows the more raw parts of her life. She reveals that her life is messy and unexpected, yet she is still in love with it and finds the beautiful moments that make it worth living.

Cheesy, right?

But it inspired me to perhaps form a new kind of resolution, one that wasn’t necessarily so strict on myself. I decided that in 2020, I want to unleash my creativity a little more. I want to be ambitious in the creative projects I pursue, and to spend more time doing the artsy things I love. I want to spend more time writing and painting. Although I am passionate about working in the medical field, I never want to lose my spark of creativity.

Life is supposed to be messy. It’s okay for your plans to change. It’s okay if sometimes your passions don’t “mesh” well, because you know what? The thing that connects your passions, your life, your memories, is ​you​.