On Friday 3rd July 2020 I started applying to universities to do an MA degree. The day before it had just been a thought, the regret of never completing my first attempt at a Master’s degree playing on my mind and making me question, ‘what if I had finished it?’. But something had changed to push me into actively applying, to move away from my current career and into a new path.
I’ve worked retail all my working life. I’ve been with the same company for most of my career. Like most teenagers, working in retail and as a sales assistant was my first Saturday job, they’d allowed me to leave and come back several times for different reasons: teenage angst; university; a ‘better’ job offer. Each time they did so with open arms, and each time I would come back and remember just how much I loved working there. The customers who treated you as one of their own family, the staff who you could share rants about those difficult customers that expected you to know everything about rival businesses or had just been difficult to handle, the hard work when we were understaffed or busy, especially at Christmas. I loved it all. Sure, there were days that were horrible, and I hated my job, but on the whole I loved it and intended to make a career out of it.
So what changed?
I fell completely out of love with my job. It’s been a slow falling out from 2018 onwards when I failed my first attempt at a MA degree. But I must thank the pandemic for making me realise just how miserable I was and pushing me back to university and the career change I’d been scared to push myself into. I’d grown up in a house where my parents encouraged my siblings and I to try new things, but insisted it was alright if we hated it and wan ted to move on to something else, so why was I ignoring this adivce?
Let me take you back to April 2020. Against my wishes I’d been made to transfer to another shop – this was a blessing in disguise. Over the two months I was there I had started to realise just how unhappy I was but I wasn’t sure how to overcome it. Part of me spent a lot of time convinced that the stress was coming from the whole pandemic and the fact that I was considered a key worker. Also it was having to deal with working in a job where we were often facing abuse from customers who just seemed to think we were being difficult for the sake of it. I was sure that once life got back to normal, it would be the same again.
In late June I was offered a training opportunity that I had always hoped for, the opportunity to train to be an area manager. Initially I was excited. It was an amazing opportunity. My hard work and loyalty to the company was being recognised in the best way possible. But still, something didn’t feel right. At home that night, I just realised, the thing I had been fighting for at work, I just did not want it anymore. I wanted my masters, I wanted my PHD. I wanted the academic career so that I could fulfill my long term goals.
The day I told work I was going back to university I felt a sense of joy I’ve never felt before. Letting go of the responsibilities at that job and going part-time has made me happier than I have been in a long time. Don’t get me wrong, I know this is going to be hard work but I am happy, and that is the key thing. If the pandemic hadn’t happened, I would have probably still been stuck trying to figure out why I was unhappy. It made me confront my life and reassess what I wanted, and for that I am thankful. I’ve been back at university for a month now, and I know that it has been the right decision for me. To be corny, it has felt like I am coming home and because of this I do not regret giving up the training opportunity at work.
Reader, if anything I have said in this piece has spoken to you, or if you are unhappy with something, I urge you to see what you can do to change it. Do not make the mistake I made and ignore the issue hoping that it will go away, look into what you can do to change your situation, whether that be exploring your options or seeking advice from friends, family or colleagues, or even someone who may be in the exact same situation. It may even be finding the confidence and courage to put yourself out there and try something new, with the knowledge and acceptance that it may not work out, but that’s okay. Just do not stay unhappy, life is too short. Focus your efforts on what makes you happy in the current moment of time, whether it be the job that you know and love, or the university degree that you’ve been putting off for years.
Words By: Anon
Edited By: Emilie Bolt