self-love

It’s Okay To Be Selfish: How To Say No And Stop Being a People Pleaser

It is easy to get caught up in saying yes and taking to much on your plate. Many people find it difficult to say no, even in a modern busy and fast past life. It is important you live your life for yourself and not other people. It is important that we create boundaries to protect our health and well being. In hustle culture, it can be hard to put your finger on the breaks when society excepts you to run-run-run 24/7.

Creating Boundaries

When you create boundaries you are respecting yourself and completing an act of self-care. It is not selfish to create boundaries with the people you live (or assist with). You can’t pour from an empty glass.

It can be easy to feel trapped into people-pleasing, usually, this happens out of fear. Fear that they’ll think you’re rude, that you’ll miss out on opportunities, that you’ll be rejected from a social group. You can overcome this fear by seeing what happens when you say no. You actively challenge the fear when you act against it.

You have a choice in saying yes or no.

Valuing Yourself and Your Time

You do not need to depend on other people for your self-worth, stop trying to please everyone. This takes away valuable time from your life. When you say no, you make time for things that are valuable to you. We all have the same 24 hours in a day and you can only say yes to a certain number of things without overbooking yourself.

You need to understand what your priorities are and use it to help make your decisions. If you prioritize family time over work, make sure you don’t skip a family event for extra hours. Put the things you consider important first, other people’s wants and needs should come last.

Say “No”

If someone asks you for a commitment to doing something take a moment to think about it, or if it’s a big commitment even a few days. There is nothing wrong with asking for more time to think of giving the simple “I’ll get back to you”.

Ask yourself: Will this bring you happiness? How will it benefit you? Do you have free time? Will this make you feel good?

Saying no isn’t as scary as it sounds. Just be firm, be polite and be honest. You do not need to explain to other people why you are saying know, keep the response simple. But do not apologize saying no because you do not owe anyone an apology for asserting your boundaries. So next time your boss asks you to work overtime say “I can’t work overtime.” Or next time your friend asks you to babysit say “I’m sorry but I already have plans.”